Currently

I hope it is clear that the last few posts are catching up from events that occurred months ago.

I have had more time to sit this week than I've had in the last long while and wanted to get those birthdays and work experience documented. I am grateful to have this record of our family.

Jacob has now been in bed for an entire week. Apart from helping him to the shower last Saturday, April 9 he has not left the bed. His body is weakening every day. Over the weekend he was awake for many hours of the day, but then on Monday the 11th seemed to be struggling. The nurse called in an antibiotic for him since me and two of the kids had strep throat and that seemed to help him feel better on Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday the 14th he was quite alert during the afternoon and evening hours and got to listen to each child tell him about their day and respond with his amazing smiles and eyes filled with love. He can hardly speak, but is still able to say "I love you."

Jacob's set up in our room

Tommy loves to show Jake the heart poster Lauren made him every day.

Thursday night he seemed unsettled and said he was not tired. I got him some pain medication and we listened to General Conference until he was able to fall asleep. He slept all Thursday night Friday day and Friday night. It was hard for him to open his eyes and he did not want anything to eat and only sips of water to drink. Today, Saturday the 16th, he was more awake in the afternoon and wanted to drink some cold smoothie. He has such a fighting spirit. His will to live is unrelenting.

For us, though, it is so sad to see him diminishing. I lay by him every night and am grateful that I can still hold his hand and feel his fingers squeeze mine as I do. I love him. I just love him. I love him so much it hurts.

My view of Jake from our rocking chair at his bedside

My perch

I originally titled this blog "Enjoy the Ride" to reflect my idealistic outlook on life. And also because Jacob and his friends on our semester in DC nicknamed me the J-train. I always assumed that if you did your best things would work out and life would be wonderful. Oh silly, inexperienced, naive me. I had no clue.

In fact, when I initially made the roller coaster header you see every time you visit, I wanted to convey the concept of a fun ride that is enjoyable and exciting. Because roller coasters are fun, right? Little did I know what a real roller coaster ride our life had in store for us. A white knuckle whirling twirling pit of despair fear inducing gut wrenching kind of ride. Not so fun or exciting.

Jacob's parents sit by his side when I need to help wit the kids.  His dad being a great sport and wearing a crown Ada made him. Both of his parents are so good and I'm very grateful they are here.

I've always loved this quote from newspaper columnist Jenkin Lloyd Jones that President Gordon B. Hinckley recited in a BYU devotional on September 25, 1973.

"Life is like an old-time rail journey- delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

He is right. Most of life is full of that inconvenient, unfair, difficult, trying kind of stuff. Only occasionally do we have a beautiful vista or a thrilling burst of speed. But throughout it all I am learning that the trick is also true- when you thank the Lord for letting you have the ride you can still have joy along the way.

With Ellie

With Ada

With Thomas

With Lauren

Gratitude is something Jacob has taught me over and over. I still kneel at his bedside every night so we can pray together. A few times earlier this week he said the prayer. He can hardly speak, but when he prays he says "I'm grateful for..." again and again and again. He, the man with the GBM diminishing day by day in a hospital bed, still has a grateful heart.

He is incredible to me.