I have been fine. Normal.
That hasn't been the case for several years.
Honestly, this whole month was mostly fine. Really just fine. And even at some points I felt some genuine excitement and a bit of happiness at the prospect of preparing for Christmas that was totally unexpected and new.
And because of that I feel so much gratitude.
It is kind of a miracle to me and every night I have been praying to let Heavenly Father know how grateful I am that this whole month has not been one filled with pain and sorrow.
It has not been full of great joys and impossible highs, but the absence of pain and suffering is its own kind of merciful relief and blessing. And I think maybe the absence of pain this year might be as good as joy.
I did have a sad night recently. I had been out with some couples for a date night and then I made the mistake of watching another movie where the main character's fiance dies and the woman is left alone sobbing in her bed. And that kind of was my undoing to an evening of tears and letting it all out.
So while the pain wasn't omnipresent this holiday season, there was still some buildup of sad.
Gratefully I was able to cry it out, to pray, and to read in the scriptures.
So often they are a balm to my soul.
I read in Mosiah 14 which contains much of the text of Isaiah 53 and was impressed with one idea.
In times when I get sad and feel heavy I often pray to heaven for relief, asking that Jesus take my heavy burden. I am usually so desperate to offload it I feel relived when the weight is gone, but at other times I feel sorrow that my heavy pain and grief fall upon Him. That He picks it up and carries it so that I don't have to.
But in Mosiah 14 verses 10-11 it states:
10 Yet it pleased the Lord to abruise him; he hath put him to grief; when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin he shall see his bseed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.
11 He shall see the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied; by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall abear their iniquities.
Satisfied is an interesting word- not one of great emotion but rather evoking a feeling of balance and justification. It will be worth it to Him- all that He suffered and all that He endured- will balance out for Him when I make His soul my offering. When I use the atonement- the sacrifice- He has offered. His pain will be justified for Him as I use it and apply it to bring relief to my own.
What greater love, mercy or grace is there than that?
I echo the words of Jacob who declared "Oh how great the goodness of our God who prepareth a way for our escape..."
There is a way for our escape. Right now. Not just after we die or when it is all over but right now today in our immediate need and for our immediate relief.
Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. I am grateful for the reminder that He is satisfied as I make His soul my offering. That He is not put out our put upon or resentful or anything like it at all. He is satisfied.
And I know that the same truth applies to you.
God be thanked for the gift of His beloved Son this Christmas season and forevermore.
