Last weekend the weather finally broke and there was a chill in the air. The next day I pulled out our pants, long sleeves, and jackets and we are ready to enjoy the best season of the year in Arizona.
Sometimes I don't know what to blog about next. Especially after something as personal and heartfelt as Jacob wrote, I feel like posting anything mundane would detract from the spirit of his words.
I am grateful to be able to share our experience with family and friends through this medium and to have a place to put some of my thoughts and feelings to rest.
Unfortunately, Jacob got the luck of the draw and will be taking his chemo pills during the weeks of all the coming holiday celebrations. Halloween, check. Thanksgiving, next. Christmas, yep. I guess the flip side is he will have days off of work and can use that time to rest up and recover. Jacob has taught me that. Even in the worst situation, there is usually a flip side and some blessing or opportunity to be found.
Lately, I've been thinking about the blessings that have come into our lives because of this cancer. There are many. Some day I plan to list them all out on here. But mainly, cultivating a spirit of gratitude and opening my eyes to see the blessings that have come hand in hand with the difficulty has had a remarkable effect on my heart.
People continue to inquire after us and check in to see how we are doing. And for the most part, we are doing really well. Yes, there are difficult hours or days, and chemo week is rough on Jacob, but we seem to get through it. Living in the present keeps you focused on the things you can do, and prevents you from wasting thoughts, energy, and time on things beyond your control that may or may not come to pass.
Honestly, from day to day I don't have time to lay despondent on my bed crying the hours away. Taking care of four children and attending to their different schedules, cleaning house, shopping, cooking, serving in the church, budgeting, exercising, birthdays, holidays, hanging out with friends, reading, crafting, teaching music class, traveling and spending time with Jacob fill up the hours of each day, my mind, and my heart and give me purpose and direction.
Because at the end of the day, Jake and I are just a couple of thirty-somethings in the thick of life, with four children, a mortgage, callings, and responsibilities to fulfill. Cancer is a part of our life, but it is not our life nor does it define us. We are who we are, imperfect yet striving individuals and like others at our stage in life we are learning as we go and doing the best we can.
