Ellie is 7!

And rounding out our 4 months of birthday celebrations, Ellie turned 7 in December!



Per our family tradition, we had her gifts laid out at the foot of our bed, and Ellie had everyone up and ready to watch her open them bright and early. Ada made her a darling fabric snowman, and Lauren wrote her a sweet poem and she showered them with thanks and love.





Ellie got a great haul. Legos and an outfit from her grandparents, Legos from Ada, a book from our dear friends in Idaho, a Nerf gun from her aunt, and replacement bullets from Tommy. Her favorite package was the American girl doll Isabelle from her grandparents. Jacob's mom had heard Ellie say all year that she wanted the girl of the year, and kindly made that dream birthday dream come true for Elli.



Jacob and I bought her a 20 inch bike, since she'd been riding on a 16 inch one and her long legs were hitting the front handlebars. She loves to ride and is getting the hang of hand brakes.



We host parties every even year, so on the odd year birthdays the kids each get to pick a restaurant for dinner. Ellie chose the Spaghetti factory and this time we were able to sit inside the train for our dinner.





Finally, on Saturday Jake and I took her to see the new Annie for her mom and dad date. She was so fun to hang out with and we loved asking her questions and spending one on one time together. She is always very grateful and thanked us for taking her out several times.



Ellie is a great seven year old girl and is growing and developing into such a thoughtful, obedient, inquisitive, and caring child. She is a morning girl and is always the one to get Thomas out of bed, as he is a morning boy. She usually reads to him before bringing him into our room. Ellie has a zest for life and loves to tease and play. She has really developed in her piano skills this year and loves to play and sing at the same time. Ellie reads like a champ and is into several fun series of books and has also loved plaing soccer this fall and winter.



Happy 7 years Ellie. We love you so!

Merry Christmas!

We are especially grateful this year for you, our family and friends. We were deeply moved by all the support and kindness you showed our family as Jacob was diagnosed with brain cancer in February. We know that the Savior lives and loves us and are grateful for the gift His life offers to all of us.

The gift of Christmas

I cannot think about Christmas without thinking of Christ.

There is no greater gift than the sacrifice which He freely offered for me and for you. Recently, I reread this post and was reminded of the torment and anguish that I experienced at the beginning of this year. I remembered having a glimpse of the despair and horror that exists when we live without hope.

But because of Him, there is hope. Because of Him, there is peace. And because of Him, there is a way out.

As I sit here contemplating Jesus Christ, I weep with gratitude for what He came here to do. For what He was willing to offer. For what He was willing to bear. And for what He was willing to descend below so that He could understand, succor, and carry me.

And you.

I know that He did it. That Jesus was born of Mary. That He lived a sinless life. That He was baptized and obedient to all of His Father's commandments. That He took upon himself our sins and sorrows and iniquities and died on the cross. And that He rose on the third day.

I know that He lives today.

This year I have come to know Him in a way that I could not have anticipated twelve months ago. He is my friend and has been my one constant source of strength. He has lifted, consoled, succored, carried, empowered, strengthened, guided, and enabled me and because of Him I can live a life full of peace, hope, and joy.

I know that Jesus Christ is there for each of us. If there was one gift I could give to you this Christmas, it would be the chance to know Him better.


Alma a Book of Mormon prophet, said of Christ, 

       10 And behold, he shall be born of Mary, at Jerusalem which is the land of our forefathers, she being a virgin, a precious and chosen vessel, who shall be overshadowed and conceive by the power of the Holy Ghost, and bring forth a son, yea, even the Son of God.

        11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

        12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

       13 Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.

       14 Now I say unto you that ye must repent, and be born again; for the Spirit saith if ye are not born again ye cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven; therefore come and be baptized unto repentance, that ye may be washed from your sins, that ye may have faith on the Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of the world, who is mighty to save and to cleanse from all unrighteousness.

       15 Yea, I say unto you come and fear not, and lay aside every sin, which easily doth beset you, which doth bind you down to destruction, yea, come and go forth, and show unto your God that ye are willing to repent of your sins and enter into a covenant with him to keep his commandments, and witness it unto him this day by going into the waters of baptism.

       16 And whosoever doeth this, and keepeth the commandments of God from thenceforth, the same will remember that I say unto him, yea, he will remember that I have said unto him, he shall have eternal life, according to the testimony of the Holy Spirit, which testifieth in me.

I may never be grateful that Jacob got brain cancer, but I will always be grateful for the chance I have had to walk with Jesus this year. 

I love my Savior. 

He is the gift of Christmas. 

He is Christmas.

He is Christ.

Our retreat

Several months ago I was at my talented friend Kelly's house admiring a new space she created in her bedroom with two chairs, a table, a shelf, and some beautiful decorations. It was a sitting area for her and her husband to escape to after a long day.

We were talking about the struggles we both had at night shutting down and relaxing in the living spaces of our home. Many times as Jake and I would be reading or watching TV on the couch in our family room, I'd start to notice things that needed to be done.

Crumbs on the floor. Fingerprints on the window. Bills in the box. A sock under the chair. It made it hard for me to be done with the chores of the day and relax.

After seeing her lovely space, I wanted to create something similar in our bedroom. Thankfully, Kelly offered to help and give me some direction. Both Jake and I already had comfortable rocking/reclining chairs and a huge bedroom, so with some tweaking and moving of our other furniture we got to work.

We are in love with the finished product.

This sitting area is our favorite spot. Once we get the kids to bed and load the dishes, we often retreat to our chairs and spend the evening reading, talking, and just relaxing. Doing this has helped us go to bed earlier and given us time to have some heartfelt conversations.

We had the basics in our room, the furniture, white bedding, rug, lamps, curtains, and pale blue walls, but made a few tweaks to update them. Kelly suggested the addition of mustard yellow as an accent color and it is the perfect pop to our blue walls. Jake raised the drapes to the ceiling and that made a huge difference in creating a finished look. I found this awesome sunburst mirror and with a few pillows and lampshades the wall was complete.

The wall opposite our bed is our bathroom and new gallery wall. A kind friend made us vinyl lettering that says "Why not us?" and hangs on the bathroom mirror. 




We filled the framed with pictures of places that are meaningful to us. Magnolia flowers from our trip to the South. Ocean waves from a California beach. The cityscape of London along the Themes. A cactus in the Saguaro desert. Snow covered Mount Timpanogos that buttresses our growing up town in Utah. Waimea falls from our vacation to Hawaii. And the underside of "the Bean" statue in Millennium Park in Chicago. These pictures remind us of trips we've loved and time we've spent together in wonderful places.

In our bathroom we have a little corner dedicated to Spain. Jacob served his LDS mission there from 1998-2000 and we were able to go back together and visit in 2011.  We walked the streets where he served, visited the Madrid temple, and spent a night in Cuenca, a city he loves. We bought this tile and the vases on our trip, and added these pictures to help us remember that time.

Jake has a little corner of his own to one side of our bedroom closet. He hung the Father's Day pictures our girls made him at church, a framed picture of cougar stadium, has his guitar on a rack, has a table, chair and work area, and a few BYU mementos on his shelf.

My dresser is on the other side of our closet displaying my jewelry, a plant stand belonging to my great grandmother, and a framed picture of the Savior.  My sister gave it to us shortly after Jake's diagnosis and it is a comforting reminder that He alone knows what we are going through.

I am so grateful for the chance I had to work on our room for the last few months. It was a labor of love that brought me a lot of joy. I've always loved this talk by President Uchtdorf and wanted to end with a few thoughts he shared.

          "The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.

           Everyone can create. You don’t need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty.

          Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty... Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before—colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter.

           Nearly a century and a half ago, President Brigham Young spoke to the Saints of his day. “There is a great work for the Saints to do,” he said. “Progress, and improve upon and make beautiful everything around you. Cultivate the earth, and cultivate your minds. Build cities, adorn your habitations, make gardens, orchards, and vineyards, and render the earth so pleasant that when you look upon your labors you may do so with pleasure, and that angels may delight to come and visit your beautiful locations. In the mean time continually seek to adorn your minds with all the graces of the Spirit of Christ.”

Tommy turned 1

Our sweet baby boy is one. His birthday was in November and it was definitely a day to celebrate.



First thing in the morning, he opened his presents and seemed more interested in the boxes and wrapping paper than the actual gifts. He played for a while and then had a nice morning nap.

 



While he slept, we packed up for a weekend trip to Utah, and after lunch headed out to the airport. Tommy was a champ on the flight and loved playing peek-a-boo with his dad and sisters in the row behind us.

Once in Utah, we went to my parents house where my mom had a lovely table spread for Tommy's birthday dinner. Both sets of grandparents were there, along with my brother Andy and sister in law Chelsea, as well as my Grandma Pat. We ate haystacks and Thomas opened his grandparent gifts, and then the main event began.



The one year old cake.



I've always been a sucker for giving a one year old their own cake, and each of our girls ate theirs to different extents.

I can only say this. Tommy blew them out of the water.



My mom bought him a darling mini cake, chocolate with yellow frosting, and after two cautionary dips and licks with his finger he was in with both fists.



It was a big cake for a little guy, but he never once stopped grabbing and eating fistfuls of sugary goodness. I gave him water a few times, and near the end he started to fling chocolate particles around, but he ended up with more of it in his belly than we thought possible.





He also didn't seem deterred by the barrage of photographers and adoring fans. He was completely focused on the cake at hand. It was awesome.

I am so glad we could share his birthday with our parents and grateful that it was such a fun day for Tommy.

After having three girls, it is fun and interesting to see what a boy is all about. Here are a few things I've noticed Tommy doing that are different from what the girls did.

-He calls anythign round a "ba" or ball, and love, love, loves real balls

-He loves to pick up round things and throw them

-He loves the BYU football posters in our garage and points to all the balls and helmets

-He makes noises for trucks that he sees in books and points to trucks and planes when we are outside

-He loves dogs and wants to pet any that we see

-He will eat any food and has a huge appetite

Tommy finally started walking on his own just last week and has made a track of the loop around our kitchen, dining and family rooms. He will circle that track over and over and over again, often with some interesting object in his hands.

He is such a gentle little guy and loves having his big sisters around. He gives love pats where he will lay his head on you and slap you with one or both of his hands while saying "ahhh."  It is his truest sign of affection and we all hope for one each day.

We all love our little man and are grateful for his first year of life.

Photos top left to right-7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months

Photos top left to right- 11 months, 12 months. First (Jan 2014) and last (Nov 2014) pictures with Thomas the train stuffie.

Stable. Again.

Jacob had his follow up MRI yesterday, and again his brain looks stable.

There are no new indications of tumor growth and we were relieved and grateful to hear that report.

He has some edema where the radiation fields met, but that is expected and will be watched in the future. We pray for the swelling to stabalize and for Jacob's immune system to continue to function optimally.

This MRI experience was better for me. I availed myself of many resources- the scriptures, prayer, our bishop, a friend with cancer, my counselor, fasting, and faith and was able to face the day with much more calm and peace than the time before.

Because I was able to hold it together, there was more space for Jacob to feel, process, and work through the experience. Our children also handled it so much better as they could feel my calm and mirrored that emotion.

The other night Jake and I were talking about how we have changed in these last 10 months. We can't see it all, but we have definitely noticed real changes in our hearts, our thoughts, and our emotions.

For the first many months I was encumbered by this disease and lived as though Jacob were dead. And Jacob played dead.

We spent months in a fog and truly subsisted on the prayers of others and the sustaining force of heaven.  I cannot account for it in any other way.

But then, over time we each started to live again.

I wanted to share a few things that have helped me during this period of trial in hope that they may be of some help to others facing challenges.

First, there are two questions that I ask myself every day, and especially on the hard days. These came from a dear friend of mine whose husband also battled brain cancer.
They are 1- Is Jacob going to die of cancer today? And 2- Is there anything I can do about it?

The answers seem obvious, but when you are facing a loved one's terminal disease, answering these questions helps you keep perspective even on the most difficult days.

Second, my friend counseled me that once I have answered these questions NO that I turn the burden over to the Lord and let Him carry it for me.

So each day I try to do that, and each day He has willingly carried this load for me. I am learning through this very intimate and personal experience that His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

I don't know what happens between each scan. I am not in denial, I think about this disease every day, but somehow the weight does not press down on me. It rests with Him. 

Third, I try and do everything I can each day to qualify for the companionship of the Holy Ghost. I am not perfect, but I try to be obedient, put myself in uplifting environments, and serve my family so that I can receive every blessing He can give me.

Fourth, I try and have a grateful heart. At first this was very difficult. I was so swallowed up with grief and despair that it was hard to find anything to be grateful for. But I am learning to see the small things around me, the small blessings, the small miracles, the small witnesses that He knows I am there and somehow it is cultivating a spirit of gratitude in my heart. Yes, our circumstances are challenging, but having a grateful heart has given me greater access to heaven's help.

Fifth, I find refuge in the temple. I cannot explain it but to say that when I am in the temple I know that everything will be all right. That no matter what happens, our family will make it. In the temple I have felt the reality of eternity. Of our life after death. Of the love and concern and protection of family members who have passed on before us.

In the dedication of the Phoenix temple President Uchtdorf stated that the temple is the intersection of mortality with eternity. I have felt the validity of that intersection and have found great peace as I have been in the House of the Lord.

Sixth, I have been blessed to counsel with wonderful people. I have attended many sessions with a professional counselor and her help, therapy, and suggestions have been a key to my mental and emotional functioning. I have counseled with priesthood leaders and have been directed by their words. I have counseled with my and Jacob's parents, with family members, and with dear friends and their listening ears and compassionate understanding have blessed me.

Seventh, I have found great comfort and answers in the scriptures, particularly the Book of Mormon. I have felt a kinship with the prophets and marveled at the trials they had to pass through during their mortal experiences. Reading about their hardships has given me direction in facing mine and an example of persisting with faith, under any circumstance.

Eighth, I do my best to live in the present. I am trying to make the most of each day. It really is the small things that bring me joy. Giving Jake a hug and kiss when he comes home from work. Eating family dinner together. Watching our girls play sports or practice the piano. Holding our baby boy. I have learned that it would be foolish to waste the present, these wonderful days we have, worrying about what may or could be in the future. I choose to enjoy today.

Ninth, I am learning to accept help in my day to day life. I have a house cleaner come twice a month, I have a good friend watch my littlest ones every Monday, I have a babysitter every week for a date night, among other things. These small things have made a big difference in providing order, giving me time to ponder, and freeing me up to be with my husband and children.

Finally, I have relied heavily on prayer and priesthood blessings. These forms of communication that we have to communicate our thoughts to Heavenly Father, and for Him to communicate His direction to us are invaluable. They have meant everything to me.

I know that our Father in Heaven has not left us alone in this earthly experience. He has provided so many resources to help us feel of His love and be guided by His spirit. And from my own experience, I am learning that my life is better when I avail myself of the resources He has provided.

Travels

Hello again! We just had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend, and I hope you all did too.

We have gone on a lot of trips this year. Every month in fact, or sometimes twice a month we've hit the road or the skies to some pretty fun destinations. We've also had many family members hit the road to come and visit us.

I wanted to write up each of these trips specifically, but since I'm short on time and long on write ups, this brief summary will have to do.

JULY

We went to Utah this summer and got to spend a week with my family and a week with Jacob's. We went to Bear Lake and a camp in Idaho and loved every minute of being with our parents and siblings and seeing our kids live it up with their cousins.

AUGUST

With Jake's brain surgery at the beginning of the month, my mom came down to help us out and get the girls started in their first week of school. She was a lifesaver and such needed help to us.



My brother and his wife came for a weekend to watch the kids while Jake and I took a trip to LA. They were tons of fun and the kids loved their time with A&C.

Jacob's parents came down to help with the kids for his second radiation treatment, and were here for the first BYU game of the season. They were so helpful and kind and took great care of us.

SEPTEMBER

My sister and her kids popped over at the beginning of the month to tend our kids while Jake and I went to the BYU v. Texas game. She was a trooper to be alone with 6 children and the kids had a fabulous time. 

The following week my brother and his wife came for a few days to spend the weekend with us. We got to meet our new adorable niece and loved having them here again. It reminded us of when they used to live nearby and we are grateful for that time we got to spend with them and for how they know and love our kids. 

I don't have a picture of this, but Jacob took a short weekend trip to visit his parents and attend another home football game in the middle of September. His parents treated him royally, fed him like a king and were such great company. He loved spending time with them. 

The same weekend Jake was gone, we had our neighbors dog come and visit us while they were out of town. He was a perfect house guest and the kids really conquered their fears and ended up begging to have him sleep in their room for a few nights. Tommy especially loved having him.

Towards the end of the month, we went on an awesome vacation to Newport Beach with Jacob's brother and his family. They treated us to a lovely stay at the Marriott timeshares in Newport, and we loved pool time, beach time, date night time, and hang out time with them. 

OCTOBER

The first weekend in October we took two simultaneous trips. Jake and Lauren to Utah and me and the other kids to New Mexico.

Years ago, Jake decided that when our kids turned 8 he would take them up to Utah for a BYU home football game and to attend general conference in person. It was an idea that served two purposes- to spend one on one with with each kid and to get Jake to another football game. He and Lauren had a fabulous trip and made some wonderful memories together.

The other kids and I had a lovely weekend with my sister and her family and got to attend the balloon fiesta and visit a pumpkin patch.

 

In the middle of the month our friends Jeff and Sarah came with their two darling kids to visit for the weekend. Jeff and Jake are cougar fan soul mates, but unfortunately the team didn't deliver on the game we watched together. They helped us plant our garden and we loved hanging out with them. Somehow I don't have a picture of their visit either, but it was wonderful to have them here.


And this wasn't a vacation, but we did celebrate Halloween and the kids were darling, if I do say so myself.

NOVEMBER

A few weeks ago we took another family trip to Utah, so Jake could be a Thursday's hero with the BYU football program. Our family got to have a tour of the football offices, attend the team's practice on Thursday morning, and attend the game on Saturday, with passes to hang out on the field before the game. Jake got a bag full of goodies, t-shirts, jersey, a mini football and a signed flag and was very impressed with the program and the coaches at BYU.

Jacob's sister drove up to spend the weekend with us, and she, her daughter, our parents, and my brother and his wife were able to attend all of the weekend events with us.

We also got to see a BYU basketball and volleyball game while we were there, and Jake and I took a day trip to Manti to attend the temple while my parents watched our kids. We celebrated Tommy's birthday (more on that later) with our families and saw the first snow fall of the year. It was a great trip.

Finally, last weekend my parents and my sister and her family came over to celebrate Thanksgiving with us. We loved having them here and got to attend the Phoenix temple, hike, see some movies, eat, visit the Mesa temple lights, and jump in our freezing cold pool with them. We had a great holiday together.