Saturday Celebration!

Jake had his first post treatment MRI today. The scan was perfectly clean.  The remarkable thing, according to the neurosurgeon, was that there is no swelling.  He said it’s the best looking scan on a glioblastoma at this stage that he has ever seen. 

We are so relieved, elated, happy, excited, grateful, and hopeful.

Now its time to celebrate!



This Saturday we'll be hosting a BBQ at our house from 11:00 am - 5:00 pm to thank all of our friends who have been so helpful and good to us.

We'll have unlimited J-d*wgs (hotdogs created near BYU) to eat and an open pool for swimming.

Everyone is invited!

We'd love for all of our family and friends near and far to be able to come over and party with us.

If you can't make it in person, please know that we'd love to feed you and yours a hotdog and visit with you this Saturday and that we are continually grateful for your love, encouragement, and support.

Four months

There is a story in the Book of Mormon that has become especially meaningful to me.

It is about the Alma and his people who fled from King Noah into the wilderness. They chose to repent and be baptized and join the church of Christ. They believed in God and were trying to follow Him. 

They escaped from the persecutions of King Noah and established their own city. They were industrious, built buildings and tilled the ground. They lived in peace and kept the commandments of God.  

But out of nowhere, one day, very unexpectedly an army of Lamanites descended upon them. These Lamanites took possession of their city, persecuted Alma and his people, and condemned them to death for praying vocally.

Here the record states, 

12 And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.

13 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

When this cancer experience first started I pleaded with Heavenly Father to take it away. To remove it. To make it disappear. We'd been trying to raise our family, be responsible, and keep the commandments. We were doing our best to live good lives. 

And then out of nowhere, one day, unexpectedly Jacob experienced the symptoms of a GBM. A type of cancer that makes cancer look bad. In one day our whole world turned upside down and for weeks upon weeks I felt oppressed and despondent. 

But as I look back over the last 4 months I must witness that the Lord God has visited us in this affliction. He has eased this burden upon our shoulders. He has given us strength. 

I know that God lives. He is our Heavenly Father and He loves us. He does have a plan for us and He will not abandon us in times of trial. I witness of His strength and His power to sustain us when we cannot do it on our own. I am grateful for Him and know that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. 

He is there for all of us in whatever our affliction, and He will give us strength to bear it.

May 24. 2014

I don't have a title for this post. There are just some random thoughts that I wanted to write about.

I read a quote by Isak Kinesen that I love- "The cure for anything is salt water --- sweat, tears, or the sea."

We have had some really happy days. There are many moments when we can forget about brain cancer. But we also have really sad moments. They still come in waves, unexpected and unanticipated, but powerful and real and overwhelming. It is a sadness like we've never experienced before and it hurts all the way through.

This disease came two decades too soon. Most couples our age are thinking about moving into real life. They're wondering if they should change jobs, buy a bigger house, have another baby. They already feel taxed with running kids around, working and career development, responsible church assignments, and family events.

They aren't thinking about their mortality, how they'll get along without their spouse, how their kids will look as teenagers, and if they're prepared to meet their Maker.

Those are questions that people much older than us usually ask.

On the other hand we just read about a man who survived this disease for nearly 20 years. Long enough to see his kids grow up. It lifted our spirits to know that it can happen. 

The other night Jake spoke out in his sleep. He tells me he has no memory of it. He said, "I used to think 35 was old. Now I think that it is so young."

Jake's first post-treatment MRI is on Thursday May 29. He has been feeling ok, but is still more tired than he wants to be. He plays basketball and has more of an appetite. The main thing he notices from not being on chemo is that he isn't nauseous like before. 

At the same time, as we've talked about different friends and family members we have been overwhelmed by the number of them whose families have been affected by cancer. We know so many people who've lost a mother, a father, a spouse, and even a child to cancer. We are not the first and won't be the last people to walk down this road.  

I read a wonderful booklet gifted by our bishop. It is called The Uses of Adversity by Carlfred Broderick. It is an address that he gave at a BYU women's conference and just the right size (57 pages) to tackle at this point in time.

In it he makes some wonderful points. He says, "I commend the gospel with all of its auxiliaries and the temple to you, but I do not want you to believe for one minute that if you keep all the commandments and live as close to the Lord as you can...that bad things will not happen to you. And when that happens, I do not want you to say that God...was not keeping his promises to me. The gospel of Jesus Christ is not insurance against pain. It is resource in the event of pain, and when that pain comes, rejoice that you have resource to deal with your pain."

I have to write that again because it is so true-

"The gospel of Jesus Christ is not insurance against pain. It is resource in the event of pain, and when that pain comes, rejoice that you have resource to deal with your pain."

In the rest of the book he shares experiences about people who have passed through difficult circumstances and then ends with this quotation,

"The uses of adversity are whatever use we put them to. May they hone us and purify us and teach us and not destroy us, because of who we are and who God is and what our relationship to Him is."

I love that thought. We can use adversity to whatever end we choose to use it. I hope we are using this adversity to bring us closer to each other and closer to our Heavenly Father.

Jacob's mantra is "we always have a choice." I couldn't begin to count the number of times he's told me that. He lives by that statement and always chooses to make changes that he can and learn from experience. Jake is not one to feel sorry for himself. He really doesn't. He has so much trust in God and in His plan and he believes that if you can't change your situation you can change your attitude about it. Jacob chooses to make the best of things. He is a wonderful example for me.

School's out for summer!

I can't believe how quickly this school year went by. These beauties grew like weeds from the first day of school to the last and learned so much in between. They are such good friends to each other and have been full of faith through their Dad's health struggle. We are so fortunate to have these three girls in our home and excited to have them 24/7 during summer break. Let the fun begin!

Preschool

2nd grade

Kindergarten

Thomas Jacob

And lest I forget, we had a baby.

Thomas was born in November and is now 6 months old.

Newborn and one month

He is a sweet boy and Jacob's mini me in appearance. He loves to be around people and he loves all food. He laughs and coos and sits up on his own. He is my dream baby who nurses, but will take a bottle of formula if need arises.  He is good natured and lights up around his sisters, Mom, and Dad.

Three and four months

However, he is not a great sleeper. He goes down well for a nap, but often wakes up prematurely and unhappy. He was waking up 2-3 times a night up until last week when we threw down the gauntlet and let him cry.

2.5 hours later we all fell asleep exhausted.

Tommy had a rash the last month and at his 6 month check up this week the doctor said he has eczema like his sister Ada. His waking up and crying may have been due to his skin itching more than his need to be fed or coddled.

So last night we put on a steroid cream and he slept for 10 hours straight.

I couldn't believe it.

He woke up to eat and then fell asleep again for another two hours.

Miracle of miracles, we hope this is a turning point.

Five and six months

Tommy has been a huge blessing during this period of our lives. His smiles light up our day. His innocence helps us forget about J's cancer. His needs help us focus on someone other than ourselves.

Jacob and I have said over and over that we are so grateful that Tommy came to our family at this time.  I have also felt more than once that the Lord prepared him for this assignment and he was willing to come to our family under these circumstances.

Tommy's birth and first few weeks were a joy and we are so grateful that the cancer train waited so that we could fully enjoy the newness of our little boy.

We all love Thomas and soak up the wonder of this baby every chance we get.

Saving money.

We believe in saving for a rainy day.

When Jacob and I first got married I'd never had much experience with this philosophy. Sure, I'd had cash on hand before, but usually I was saving it for some expense or trip or thing that I wanted to buy in the future.

I'd never really considered having money on hand that just sat there to pay for emergencies or events I could not anticipate.

So after our marriage, Jake had such a fund and suggested that we continue to add to it. We put in a little money each month, and over time those contributions added up so that when our car unexpectedly broke down the following summer and needed a $1300 dollar repair, we had the money on hand to pay for it.

That experience sold me on the emergency fund- cash that just sits in the bank or a liquid account to be used ONLY in unexpected times of financial crisis. It is not a vacation fund or a buy the latest gadget fund. It is a fund that will protect you and bring you peace of mind that no consumer good ever could.

Since that time, we have always made it a priority to add to our emergency fund. Jake and I are far from perfect with money. We have made financial blunders and mistakes. But I can tell you that this experience would be so much worse if financial stress were added to it.

Saving is a universal principle that promises peace of mind, resource in times of struggle, and protection against the inevitable storms of life. There is no good you can buy, no food you can eat, no trip you can take which promises that.

Saving money for a rainy day is something we can't afford not to do.

10 year celebration

Last week my sister was in town with her two kids and we loved having them here. Our brother in law flew in on Thursday night, just in time to help Claire supervise the 6 children we left overnight for an anniversary getaway.



Traditionally, Jake and I don't get each other presents on our anniversary. Rather, we've always used that money to have a really nice dinner out together. And since it was our 10 year celebration, we decided to spend the night at a resort hotel here in town too. It was wonderful and such a nice and needed break for both of us.



We ate at Bourbon Steak and loved the meal. We had a shellfish plate, salad, filet mignon, and a dessert we each loved. We ate out on the patio enjoying the perfect evening temperature. We watched our wedding video from 10 years ago and loved reminiscing about that amazing day.

   

Claire made the sweetest recordings of the kids wishing us a happy anniversary and surprised us that morning with balloons and breakfast. Jake gave me two dozen beautiful roses that are still blooming today.

Claire is my only sister and we have always been close. She is like the girl version of Jake. Calm, funny, a researcher, a sports lover,  interested in many things, patient, with a personality very complimentary to mine. She's usually come for a week every spring and we loved having her here.



Claire and I had babies just one day apart, and these two girls were BFFs for the entire week. We hardly saw them in the day as they were off inventing things together and playing hour upon hour. I'm so glad Ada has this sweet cousin friend.



Claire and her husband were so helpful around the house but we sneaked out time to have a date night with them and make a visit to the Gilbert temple. She and I took the kids to the hotel pool while the boys golfed and it made for the perfect weekend.



Mother's day was the cream on the cake and started out with a gourmet breakfast in bed. Jacob has always made me a wonderful breakfast, but this year took the cake. It was delicious food that filled me up for the rest of the day. I also received the most wonderful hand made cards, bookmarks, frames, and little gifts from my girls and loved each handwritten message of love from them. Being a mother is a privilege and I am so grateful for the wonderful children God has given me.





We were sad to my sister and family leave, but are so grateful for the time that we had with them. Come back again soon (says Thomas)!

May 8, 2014

Ten years ago today I married my best friend in the Mt. Timpanogos Utah temple.



Jacob and I believe that "in the temple we are taught, we make covenants, and we are promised blessings. We receive ordinances that enable us to live in the presence of God. One temple ordinance is the sealing ordinance, in which husbands and wives are sealed to each other and children are sealed to their parents in eternal families. This means that if we are faithful to our covenants, our family relationships will continue for eternity."



There is no greater promise than that of being able to be with Jacob forever. 



I love him more than I did 10 years ago. The love that led us to commit our lives to each other has deepened and grown as we've worked together, raised children, served in our church and community, traveled, made decisions, forgiven each other, encouraged each other, laughed together, and loved each other.



And in the last few months we have been given the rare opportunity for our love to grow like never before. I have seen Jacob with new eyes and have exponentially grown in appreciation for him through this experience. I cannot say that I am grateful for this twist in our path, but I am grateful for how it has brought us closer together than I ever thought possible.




I love you the most JCR. Happy 10th anniversary.

Round 1.... DONE!

Jake took his last temozolomide pill last night, finishing the initial 6 week regimen of this oral  chemotherapy.

He has also stayed faithful to the ketogenic diet for the last 6 weeks,  and will begin transitioning to a modified Atkins diet routine. 
 
His radiation was completed on March 21 when he had the GammaKnife procedure.

Round one of treatment is done.

Jake is my hero for persevering through it all without complaint.

He now has a month off of treatment.

His next MRI is scheduled for May 29, where they will establish the new baseline for his brain scans.

Typically these first MRI's show great improvement and will help the doctors know what changes to watch for in the future.

Then starting on the first Monday-Friday in June they will double (and in a few months triple) the dose of his temozolomide and he will take 5 pills in a row, at the beginning of every month, for the next calendar year.

A friend compared it to shocking the pool with chlorine, and that is an atequate analogy.

Jake will take 5 of  these high dose pills every month to keep any growing cancer cells at bay and continue to have MRI scans every two months to watch for changes.

We hope and pray that there are only changes for the better, and that his scans remain clear of cancer enhancing cells.

Many people have told us that they continue to pray for Jake, me, and our children. We appreciate your prayers and hope that they will continue for months and years to come.