Haven't we seen you before...

So I've come to realize that it isn't a good sign when you know your way around the hospital.

Or when the nurses say that they recognize you.

Or when staff ask, "Haven't I seen you before?"

But on the other hand, it is a good sign when your husband has another successful surgery.

Or when he doesn't need to spend the night in the ICU.

Or when he's released from the hospital at 10:00 am the next day and is running errands to Costco the following morning.

I think Jake has some super powers. He woke up from surgery and was able to move everything, remember everything, and felt and acted the same as he did going in.

And I know that there is a Heavenly Power watching over him and blessing him in every way possible.

So it looks like this was just another bump in the road.

And today I'm grateful that there is still road ahead.

Compassion for all

Many months ago my mother in law made an observation that has stuck with me.

She explained how last year, when she and my father in law went back home after Jacob's surgery, they were immediately surrounded by the members of their ward, extended family, neighbors, colleagues, and friends. Each of these people expressed their love for Jacob and his parents, their concern over his health status, and their inclusion of him in their fasting and prayers. 

It seemed that everywhere they went they found people asking how Jacob was doing, encouraging them with faith filled stories, and assuring them of their love and support.

After a time of this, however, she realized that there was a whole section of people- her friends, her neighbors, her family members, her ward members- who were suffering pains of equal magnitude as they worried about their children but couldn't talk about it or didn't receive the same level of support because the infliction of their loved one is a stigmatized condition. 

A mental illness. A drug or alcohol addiction. Infidelity. Gender orientation. Apostasy. A pornography addiction, to name a few.

She realized that there are many, many people who suffer in silence and never feel the loving support of the community around them, but rather bear their burden alone. 

Jacob and I have recognized the same thing in our position. I know that I can post on Faceb*ok or my blog and instantly have hundreds of people rally around in support and feel nothing but compassion for me, for Jake and for our family. 

I don't know the answer. 

But I do know this- in this mortal experience we will all have trials. Difficulties. Afflictions. These may be brought about by our own choices, by sin, by the acts of others, by disease, by living in a fallen world. 

So why make it any harder on ourselves or on each other than it already is? We will all suffer. We will all be tested. We all have things to learn. 

One of the great lessons that I seem to be learning over and over again is that the Savior's love and capacity to understand is infinite. He is there for each of us. He will never look away or turn aside from us in our suffering and His judgment, though swift and sure, is also full of grace and mercy for those who come to Him in humility. 

Let us ache for those who ache. Let us love those who are the least lovable. Let us express our love and concern and interest in those who are afflicted by stigmatized conditions. Let us feel compassion for anyone who suffers, no matter the cause, because suffering alone is penance enough. 

One of the young men Jacob had the privilege of working with years ago has started a blog about his own experience with mental illness and suicide. I so appreciate his openness in talking about these issues and know that he his turning his suffering outward in hopes of helping others avoid the darkness he experienced. And there is nothing I admire more than someone who can take a horrible experience and turn it into good for the benefit someone else. 

A bump in the road

Last week Jake had his two month follow up MRI and they found a new spot. It is still on the left side of his brain, but jumped out toward his skull and away from some danger zones. It is again very small and Jake is still functioning as usual and shows no signs of impaired neurologic functioning.

They will treat this newest growth through laser ablation and the procedure is scheduled for Monday, February 23. The doctor does not anticipate that Jake will have any deficits after the treatment. It is a relatively new procedure for brain tumors that is less invasive than a full brain surgery. They will drill a small hole, go in through a catheter and will be able to burn the growth on site.

There is also some enhancement on the area that received a double dose of radiation between his first two tumors and they will be able to biopsy and treat whatever it is (growth or radiation necrosis) through the same laser ablation treatment.

This new growth has been the push we needed to move to another new treatment option for GBM. It is called Optune and Jake heard of it months ago through his continual brain tumor research. It has proven to be an effective treatment with very few side effects. The major change for Jake will be in shaving his head and going from being an inconspicuous brain cancer patient to being a very obvious one.

We are so grateful for all of you who are concerned, praying, and offering your support to us at this next juncture. We were sad and disappointed to see a new tumor develop, but are not dismayed nor do we feel that all is lost. I will write more about it later, but I can say that we feel liberated in some ways to know the next steps he needs to take in his treatment and some changes we need to make in our life.

Christmas 2014

Finally, let's document this thing!

Christmas was amazing. It was the first Christmas Eve/morning that Jacob and I have ever spent alone, at home, with our kids in our almost 11 years of marriage.

We loved it.

Our kids got out of school on the 19th, so we had several days leading up to Christmas to spend some time doing Christmas traditions. Baking, delivering, wrapping, and watching movies topped the list and we just enjoyed some relaxed days together.

Christmas Eve was a gorgeous Phoenix day and we went out as a family on a 3 hour bike ride. We rode along a wash to a beautiful park and had a fun afternoon hanging out together.





Both Jake and I grew up in families where you have a fancy Christmas Eve dinner, so we continued the tradition and ate a beef tenderloin roast, twice baked potatoes, shrimp platter and vegetables. We had my favorite pineapple cheese ball for the appetizer and ice cream for dessert. It was delicious.



After a three hour bike ride, the kids were ready for bed and then the magic happened as the fat man visited our sleepy household.

The morning came with great anticipation (and still in the dark at 5:30 am) as the kids piled into our room and lined up to run in and see their gifts. We loved being with our kids and watching their joy the whole morning as they found surprises, gave and received gifts with grateful hearts and played non-stop.

Office supplies...bring pure joy to this girl

New Nikes for everyone

Boy toys

Lauren's stash

Ellie's stash

Ada's stash

Tommy's stash

 

We ate a great brunch of belgian waffles, little smokies, and bacon wrapped water chesnuts, complete with fresh squeezed orange juice with oranges from our neighbors tree. Deliciousness.

Once we got breakfast cleared up the kids had some time to play while Jake and I finished packing, loading and getting ready for a flight to Utah.

Our sweet friend Shelby dropped us at the airport at 3:00, where we boarded a plane and were in Utah by 5:00 to celebrate Christmas, round two.

Jacob's dad picked us up and then we found that Christmas had come to their house as well. We exchanged gifts and saw his parents and sister Jen and her family and ate a delicious meal with them. Then it was off to my parents house where we had Christmas part three and finally bedded our kids down almost 16 hours later at 9:00 pm.

We spent the next four days with my family and the four days after that with Jacob's family and enjoyed every minute of it. Almost all of our siblings were there, and the cousins were in heaven playing 24/7 while the adults enjoyed visiting and doing some fun activities.

We were also the humbled recipients of some very generous gifts from our best family friends and some extended family members. I don't want to embarrass them, but hope they know how much we appreciated their thoughtful gestures to lift our spirits at Christmastime.

We watched two BYU basketball games, went sledding at the bruin bowl, had our annual dinner with the Philipps, met Ty Haws, got pedicures, attended the temple, ate out at some good restaurants, saw a movie in the theater, went sledding at Soldier Hollow, played the present game, visited with friends and extended family, and had a blast in the snow.

Then it was time to pack up and make the drive home in a one way rental car. (Cheaper than flying round trip). We made it home in one piece, unloaded our mountain of stuff into a parking lot where Christine picked us up and gave us a ride home in her family's surburban.

We found all well at home (no ceiling collapses or pipe bursts this time) and were gratefully exhausted after a fun and family filled trip.

Ty Haws with our family

Bruin bowl sledding

Romney family and my Grandma Pat

Romney family temple trip. Too bad Andy had to work.

Romney cousins

 

Our lifetime BFFs

Robertson girl pedicures

Robertson cousins

Robertson family laser tag

Sledding at Soldier Hollow.

Malawi's pizza with the Robertson clan

Tommy and his twin cousin Zach

Hotel sleeping on our drive home.

I can't wait for Christmas to come again.

Our story, part I

So while I'm waxing sentimental for my love, I'd like to share my version of our story.

For those who don't know or haven't heard how Jake and Jord came to be.

It all started with two kids growing up in Orem, Utah just 4.3 miles away from each other. No, these kids did not meet in Orem, but rather 2,098 miles away in Washington, D.C.

We both signed up to participate in BYU's Washington Seminar program the fall semester of 2001 in D. C. Jake was an intern in Congress and I worked at a non-profit organization off of capitol hill.

We took a liking to each other almost instantly, but since I turned 21 that semester, the possibility of serving a full time mission for our church was consuming my energy and leaving little time for love.

We did spend almost every weekend together- touring D.C., visiting surrounding sights, attending institute, watching BYU football, and talking every chance we got. I loved being with Jake. He was so easy to be around and I always felt comfortable, natural with him. I could be myself in his presence and we could talk about anything.

I really liked Jake. I liked him so much in fact that I was scared to date him. Because I had the feeling that pursuing a relationship with him would lead to circumstances {marriage} that could deter me from serving a mission. And my mind and heart were mission bound.

So we went on one date. He remembers the particulars a little differently than I do, but let's just say that it was a fail. And for the next few weeks I turned into the ice queen on him.

And then we came home to Orem and a few weeks later I reported to the Provo MTC.

We did have an important conversation before I left. One Friday night we met up with a group of people at the movies and I had a few minutes to talk to him alone. And in that conversation I let him know that I regretted not pursuing something with him. You know, like a second date. I told him that I felt there was something between us that was powerful and that I wished I hadn't pushed him away.

He said that conversation gave him hope.

We started writing letters immediately. (While on an LDS mission you can only communicate via letters or email and can only call your immediate family members twice a year.) Those letters are a treasure to us today.

I would write him, and he would write back, and I would write him, and it continued for the 18 months I was gone. Our letters were those of good friends communicating the things they were doing, learning, experiencing. He wrote once that he had a girlfriend and I was happy for him. Then he wrote that he was available and I was happy for me.

I remember his final letter well. It was a short message that talked about his graduation from BYU and ended with his signature followed by the words CALL ME and his cell number.

I held that one close.

When I got back from my mission my mom held an open house and invited all of my friends to come by. I remember where I was standing when Jake walked in the door with our friend Whitney. He had been working out that summer and was tanned and gorgeous. He walked over and gave me a hug and I know to this day that I felt something trip inside me.

It was a hug that was warm, safe, and felt like home.

We talked for a bit and then a while later he and Whitney left. I told him to call me soon. And he did. For our first date he took me on a run. I was out of shape, pasty white, and had no running shoes, but it was the best run of my life. We flirted, we laughed, and we talked about anything and everything. After the run I told him to call me again. He had somehow gained a new confidence in those 18 months and told me that he didn't want to be toyed with again. He only wanted to call me if I was serious about wanting him to call me.

And I was.

So he called me and we went out the next night, and the night after that, and the night after that.

Or at least that's how it felt.

It was so easy, so natural to fall in love with Jake. We had only 5 weeks living in the same town before he headed to Salt Lake for law school and I started my last year at BYU in Provo.

But those 5 weeks were magical and enough for us to know that there was something there, something real, something worth driving the 39 mile distance every weekend to pursue.