Happy birthday to my dear Mother-in-law

Jacob's mom and I were born almost exactly 30 years to the day apart.



I remember meeting her soon after Jacob and I were dating and feeling immediately comfortable in her home and in her presence.

She is a very easygoing person and as time has passed I've come to appreciate her unassuming nature more and more.

She is a woman of many interests, abilities, and talents. She is always reading about something new, has great ideas, and keeps abreast of changes in culture, politics, and homemaking.

I have always appreciated her ability to roll with things, and never become too ruffled when things go well or when they go badly. Jacob definitely inherited this quality from her, and her steady nature has a calming effect on everyone in her influence.

She is also a woman of deep conviction and faith and loyal in her thoughts, words and actions to the church and to God. She has a sensitivity for spiritual things and shares her insights and experiences with others.

She has become a great friend to me over the last many months. As we have walked this dark and lonely path, mourning what may become of my husband and her son, her love and compassion for me have been truly moving. She has often seen past her own grief to offer comfort to me in a way that has buoyed me up, answered my prayers, and helped me continue on.

I appreciate her more than I can express and hope she has a most wonderful birthday and coming year.

Regular life from March forward

I've fallen off the wagon in making "regular" posts about our daily life. I had things updated through February 2015, and then the wheels came off.

I had grand plans to start at March and post coming forward, but I think that back log is making it hard to write about anything current. 

Do you ever have that happen? Where you feel like you have to catch up before you can move on? 

So I made a deal with myself.

I'm not going to worry about catching up from March until now.

We took a lot of pictures and I wrote a lot in my journal and those memories are ours to keep.

Ahhh, that makes me feel better.

Now, if I choose to go back later and update or write up different things then I can, but honestly self, the pressure is off.

Fo' reals.

I did have a few pictures from the summer that I wanted to share and will include captions underneath.

As I remember the summer, there are so many people who we need to thank for doing kind things, remembering us, feeding us, and providing wonderful opportunities for fun.

We tried to thank you all personally as best we could, but if we failed in any way please accept our sincerest appreciation.

Summer wouldn't have been summer without you. <3>

Jordan out.

We got home on the last day of school to find a raft FILLED with pool toys from the girl's teachers at school. We were so moved by that thoughtfulness and the kids were overjoyed.

In the waiting room at radiation

An over-niter to a hotel for Father's Day

Ready to attend an amazing Harry Potter party put on by M.G.

A pool full of kids for summer swim days

We finished reading the Book of Mormon in June after almost 3 years of reading a page a day

Jacob's radiation/chemo pill quota. Too many pills for a man of 36.

Sisters kyaking on a little lake in Springville, UT

Family pic from a few days spent at my Mom's cousin's beautiful home.

Seriously, red, white and blue do not get any better than this.

After our fireside presentation at my lovely Grandma Pat's house. She is a wonder and we love her.

Traditional 4th of July pic. Tommy's rosy cheeks <3 br="">

These cousins had more fun sewing, exploring and making their nature club than we ever thought possible.

While looking through old family pics, we came across this gem of Jacob's family. He is that darling boy in the center.

On our tour of BYU, outside the building named for Jacob's great grandfather.

Why being a kid is the best

I loved this IG from the church and KNOW it to be true.

Snapped a pic of Jake with his doctors during the MRI in July. Dr. Ashby is his neurooncologist on the left, and Dr. Smith is his neurosurgeon on the right.

These lucky kids got a tour of Springville's city center, police department and firehouse thanks to Jacob's uncle who is the Mayor.

Where'd you get those big guns?

A bright day touring temple square. Thanks to Sis. P for a private tour of some neat places.

Happy kids cuddling with their new afghans knitted by a wonderful, kind, thoughtful woman we love.

Exploring, gasp, outside during a weekend stay at a friend's lovely cabin in northern AZ.

Visited the Gilbert temple with some of Jacob's siblings and spouses during our family reunion here in August.

The only way to survive a reunion in AZ in August!

An old post

I found this as I was going through my blog drafts.

It is from June 17, 2015 and although the info is old, for record keeping sake, I thought I'd post it.


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I thought I would have more free time in the summer, but things have stayed pretty busy around here.

As of today, Jake has completed 18 of 30 radiation treatments. More than half way there.  He continues to take an oral chemo pill every night through the last dose of his radiation. He commented to me that most people only do the daily chemo pills for 6 weeks once, but he's lucky enough to get to do it twice.

Honestly, he is doing pretty well. The week before he started radiation was rough as we all got the flu over a weekend and he was having some pretty serious head pain. He had tapered off of his steroid again and it was causing him some trouble.

Steroids are devils in angels clothing. They do help reduce inflammation, give him more energy, and take away the pain, but they also inhibit his immune system, reduce his strength and muscle tone, and make it harder to sleep.

He has been on steroids of differing amounts since his laser treatment in February and is really hopeful to kick them soon. The longer you are on them the harder it is to go off, but he has been doing another much more gradual taper and seems to be tolerating it ok. He really wants to kick the steroid and let his body take over its natural functioning.

Radiation has become mostly a routine thing. He gets picked up by ward members or I take him in the afternoon, drive downtown, a nurse calls him back, he gets positioned on the table with a head mold in place, they radiate him for 2 minutes, he gets up, loads in the car and comes home.

The actual radiation is painless and he says you don't feel anything happening to you on the spot. He has started to lose his hair in a circular patch where they are radiating him and that skin looks a little more sensitive than his other skin.

Jake does say that the main effect he feels is fatigue, lethargy and an overall lack of energy. He takes a nap every day.  He does like to sit outside by the pool or on the deck or inside either in our room our out in the family room. He is still able to take care of all of his needs and is physically whole. He eats dinner with us and helps the girls with their reading class. He reads to Tommy and plays ball with him. He still helps with bedtime and does the girls teeth before reading them a story before bed.

He still seems to be himself mentally and has noticed that he's not grasping for words as much as after his surgery. He will have moments of difficulty concentrating, but he usually recognizes it and takes time to rest. He still has the same even and steady temperament, and although he's working through some feelings of depression he is able to communicate what he is going through.

He has also spent some time on different projects like recording some life history memories, coordinating our benefits, writing cards and emails to different family and friends. He has spent some time reading books, the scriptures, and cougar board and watched a few of the NBA finals games. He is here for me to hang out with at night and I am so grateful for the time we have had to spend with each other.

As far as the kids, they got out of school almost 3 weeks ago and have been loving their summer time freedom. The girls are in a 3 week reading class taught by my friend Nancy and they spend a lot of their days reading to win prizes from her. They practice the piano, do chores, help with Tommy, and have each taken a day to plan, prepare, and clean up the lunch. Lauren had the idea to do a summer school with her friend, and Ellie is the helper while Ada and a few of her friends are the students. They've loved making lesson plans and activities for the kids and hope to do it again next year. We've also been swimming almost every day, with Ada taking swim lessons and hosting a swim day at our house one afternoon a week. Tommy loves having his sisters around and tries to keep up with them.

I am currently doing well. Jake says that my emotions follow his physical progress or decline and there is some truth to that. When he is doing well, I feel better about everything and when he is having a hard time I find everything to be harder. I have been able to read, do some crafts, meet up with friends, and spent some much needed time in the temple. I do know that when I am closer to God and seeking His help my days are definitely better than when I am trying to go it on my own.

Over the last four weeks we had 3 of Jake's brothers and then our brother-in-law come to town separately and visit with us. We loved having them come and visit. Jake really appreciated the man to man time with each of them, as he's been thrust into the home world of women and children it was nice to have some men around the place. The girls loved playing with their uncles and getting to know them better and Tommy warmed up to each one. I appreciated having an extra pair of hands to help around the house, fixing things, or run kids around and most of all just knowing that someone else was here to love and support Jacob. We are grateful to each of them for making the trip and to their families for letting them come and be with us.

This time has been a blessing and we are grateful to be all under the same roof together, sharing our days and love for each other.

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So grateful

I wanted to write here for anyone who isn't on social media that yesterday Jacob had a stable brain scan.

The doctors said that the swelling had significantly diminished and that there was no visible tumor growth in his brain. It was such a relief to hear those words and our hearts filled with gratitude to our merciful Heavenly Father for such a wonderful blessing.

Below is a picture of Jacob's brain at his previous scan in July and then from the MRI yesterday.

The white enhancements in July were due to swelling that was pushing the mid-line of his brain to the left and inhibiting his ability to think clearly and communicate. As you can see, yesterday the mid-line is almost back to normal and the bright white enhancement has all but diminished.

There is never any way with cancer to know what is actually working, but the combination of IMRT radiation, wearing the Optune scalp device, Avastin infusions, his low carb diet, and continuing on the chemotherapy Temodar seems to be working.

I wish I could adequately explain the gratitude I feel.

I wanted to write about this previously, but in July we were both very nervous about his scan. Jake had been having difficulty communicating and just seemed off before we even went in and we didn't feel that confident that things would be ok. Then after the nurse asked us some pointed questions, and we waited in the room for over an hour, we both started to expect the worst. It should have been a despairing moment, planning to hear them say that all was over and that we'd need to call hospice, but the despair did not come. Instead, my mind and heart were filled with gratitude for the time I had been given with Jacob by my side and only warm memories of experiences we'd had together and with our children flooded my mind. We spoke of how we would want to live out his last days and the things that were most important and although tears filled our eyes at the prospect, our hearts were at peace. We were ready.

But then the worst did not come. The doctors came in concerned, but explained that with so much swelling they could not tell what was going on in his brain and that he would start Avastin infusions to help clear up the edema and give a better picture in two months.

We left that appointment stunned that there were still days ahead and anxious to get infusion treatments going so that we could really see what was going on.

And then yesterday what we saw was so encouraging and hoped for that we could not but feel overwhelming gratitude.

Just a week ago I wept after reading the account in 3 Nephi 17: 6-10 of when Jesus blessed and healed all of those who were afflicted in any manner during his visit to the American continent. I could truly understand the description in verse 10, that "...they did all, both they who had been healed and they who were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him; and as many as could come for the multitude did kiss his feet, insomuch that they did bathe his feet with their tears."

Although Jacob is not healed, I have seen him be restored to health, recover, recuperate, and respond phenomenally well through so many obstacles and set backs that I, like those in the Book of Mormon, feel such gratitude to the Savior for doing for Jacob what I cannot do. They were ALL- both they who were healed (the afflicted) and they who were whole (their loved ones) so grateful to Him that they did bow down at his feet and worship him, and as many as could come did kiss his feet and bathe his feet with their tears.

If Jesus were here, I would have been one of those worshiping at His feet, bathing His feet with my tears. I am grateful for the blessing of feeling gratitude to the Savior in such a personal, profound way.

At the same time, the doctors told us yesterday that we were their only good news of the day. They had been seeing brain tumor clinic patients from 1:00-5:00 pm and the reality of that grief and heartache made me feel so much empathy for the patients and their family members who left the clinic yesterday with despair and heavy hearts. As much as I was grateful and rejoicing for our good news, my heart was also pained for those who received bad news. Please remember them and their families in your prayers. They, especially, need the companionship of the Holy Ghost and the comfort only the Savior can give. There are so many in the world, and close around us who are grieving in our moments of happiness.

Finally, I wanted to express gratitude for Jacob's medical team of doctors, nurses, and practitioners. We have developed a closeness with his neurosurgeon and neurooncologist and their staff through these many months and are grateful for their efforts that have extended Jacob's life. Every time we go to clinic we can't but help feel compassion for them, fellow human beings, who have to deliver such heavy news to their patients and their families. I know it is their job and they have coping strategies, but it is still a very hard thing to do and we are grateful beyond words for their desire to work in such a difficult field.