So grateful

I wanted to write here for anyone who isn't on social media that yesterday Jacob had a stable brain scan.

The doctors said that the swelling had significantly diminished and that there was no visible tumor growth in his brain. It was such a relief to hear those words and our hearts filled with gratitude to our merciful Heavenly Father for such a wonderful blessing.

Below is a picture of Jacob's brain at his previous scan in July and then from the MRI yesterday.

The white enhancements in July were due to swelling that was pushing the mid-line of his brain to the left and inhibiting his ability to think clearly and communicate. As you can see, yesterday the mid-line is almost back to normal and the bright white enhancement has all but diminished.

There is never any way with cancer to know what is actually working, but the combination of IMRT radiation, wearing the Optune scalp device, Avastin infusions, his low carb diet, and continuing on the chemotherapy Temodar seems to be working.

I wish I could adequately explain the gratitude I feel.

I wanted to write about this previously, but in July we were both very nervous about his scan. Jake had been having difficulty communicating and just seemed off before we even went in and we didn't feel that confident that things would be ok. Then after the nurse asked us some pointed questions, and we waited in the room for over an hour, we both started to expect the worst. It should have been a despairing moment, planning to hear them say that all was over and that we'd need to call hospice, but the despair did not come. Instead, my mind and heart were filled with gratitude for the time I had been given with Jacob by my side and only warm memories of experiences we'd had together and with our children flooded my mind. We spoke of how we would want to live out his last days and the things that were most important and although tears filled our eyes at the prospect, our hearts were at peace. We were ready.

But then the worst did not come. The doctors came in concerned, but explained that with so much swelling they could not tell what was going on in his brain and that he would start Avastin infusions to help clear up the edema and give a better picture in two months.

We left that appointment stunned that there were still days ahead and anxious to get infusion treatments going so that we could really see what was going on.

And then yesterday what we saw was so encouraging and hoped for that we could not but feel overwhelming gratitude.

Just a week ago I wept after reading the account in 3 Nephi 17: 6-10 of when Jesus blessed and healed all of those who were afflicted in any manner during his visit to the American continent. I could truly understand the description in verse 10, that "...they did all, both they who had been healed and they who were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him; and as many as could come for the multitude did kiss his feet, insomuch that they did bathe his feet with their tears."

Although Jacob is not healed, I have seen him be restored to health, recover, recuperate, and respond phenomenally well through so many obstacles and set backs that I, like those in the Book of Mormon, feel such gratitude to the Savior for doing for Jacob what I cannot do. They were ALL- both they who were healed (the afflicted) and they who were whole (their loved ones) so grateful to Him that they did bow down at his feet and worship him, and as many as could come did kiss his feet and bathe his feet with their tears.

If Jesus were here, I would have been one of those worshiping at His feet, bathing His feet with my tears. I am grateful for the blessing of feeling gratitude to the Savior in such a personal, profound way.

At the same time, the doctors told us yesterday that we were their only good news of the day. They had been seeing brain tumor clinic patients from 1:00-5:00 pm and the reality of that grief and heartache made me feel so much empathy for the patients and their family members who left the clinic yesterday with despair and heavy hearts. As much as I was grateful and rejoicing for our good news, my heart was also pained for those who received bad news. Please remember them and their families in your prayers. They, especially, need the companionship of the Holy Ghost and the comfort only the Savior can give. There are so many in the world, and close around us who are grieving in our moments of happiness.

Finally, I wanted to express gratitude for Jacob's medical team of doctors, nurses, and practitioners. We have developed a closeness with his neurosurgeon and neurooncologist and their staff through these many months and are grateful for their efforts that have extended Jacob's life. Every time we go to clinic we can't but help feel compassion for them, fellow human beings, who have to deliver such heavy news to their patients and their families. I know it is their job and they have coping strategies, but it is still a very hard thing to do and we are grateful beyond words for their desire to work in such a difficult field.