I love routine

I am grateful to have a few minutes to write today.

I have actually had more minutes in the last three weeks than I remember having since Thomas was born.

Free, open ended, nothing essential needing to be done minutes of each day.

It has been a while since I've had this kind of time on my hands and it feels like such a luxury.

One day I just read a book because I felt like it. Another I looked through a whole pile of magazines and tore out pages of stuff I like. Another day I made raspberry jam. Another day I took a nap, not out of sheer exhaustion but just because I wanted to. Another day I visited a friend for several hours while our kids played. Another day Tommy and I went and had lunch with the girls at school.

I told Jake the other day that I feel like I'm myself again. The mom who gets to play with her kids, make crafts, process food, serve in my calling, visit friends, read books. I have done all of those things in the last year, but not with the kind of freedom and normalcy that I've enjoyed these last few weeks.

I think that's why its been harder to write on here. Lately, things are so peaceful and normal that I don't want to jinx it. 

I wish I could convey how grateful I was to be able to get my kids ready for the school year. To buy their supplies,  clean out their room and closet, and organize their papers.  I was able to go with them to the back to school night, meet their teachers, and see them off on the first day. It was a true blessing to be able to do that and be there with my kids, especially because the year before that was not our experience. Last year Jake had just had his second craniotomy and he and I were at the hospital on the first day of school, and just trying to get our feet under us for the month after that.

I guess it is hard to really appreciate things until they are taken away from you. I used to see school supply shopping as a chore and stressed about getting back into a routine. Until this year, I never knew what a blessing it was, for me and for my kids, to be the one to get them ready, talk them through, and see them start a new school year. I was so grateful to be physically and emotionally present for them this year and for a merciful Father who has given me eyes to see what a blessing being there for your kids really is.

It really frees you up to have three of four kids in school. And having just one drop off and pick up time, split between two parents is even more liberating. I love that our girls were able to attend preschool, but I never realized how much time preschool takes out of your day. It is another drop off and pick up and by the time you run errands or go home in between you've spent almost an hour in the car. I should have listened to more audio books.

Tommy is also at a great age, where he plays during the morning, accompanies me on errands or to the gym, eats lunch and then goes down for a 2+ hour nap every afternoon. He is a fun little guy and loves his alone time with me and Jake.

I am also grateful to have Jake at home with me. One day last week he left for most of the day, and I was so glad when he came back because I'd missed him so much. I am getting used to having him around all the time. He is such easy company and a helpful companion and I've loved spending all day every day together.

That said, we definitely had to work out a routine to coexist. We both needed some alone time and space and a division of responsibilities and it has been good to talk about those needs and make plans of how to achieve them. I feel like we've developed a good balance so far of how to share the tasks,  do things together, and have time to spend alone and so far we've spent many good days together.

I am grateful that the stress of his disease has been somewhat alleviated. He hasn't had any surgeries for months, his treatments are on a regular schedule, he hasn't had any surprising side effects, and things just seem to be going along fine. Again, I don't want to jinx anything but do want to express how grateful I am for even these few weeks of normalcy.

I am appreciating a regular predictable schedule and lifestyle like never before.