Ok, this is hard

I relent and will say it out loud, this is hard.

I think we did tolerably well for the first week and even better for the second. But as the new wave of restrictions has come out and the extrovert inside me is feeling the pinch of really not seeing or interacting with people that I love for the continued foreseeable future I will say it.  I'm not a fan.

I do think that there are good things coming from this.

I know that we don't actually have it that bad.

I know that it could be much worse.

And I can see all kinds of opportunities opening up to realign priorities and focus on what really matters.

But the unknown is difficult for me and my planning/forward thinking nature.

And I'm also slowly dying from not seeing people. I love people!!! I need people!!! It is amazing what a few weeks of not being able to gather with people can do to a person. I hope to never take lightly the ability to gather in groups again.

Again, I feel like I have done this in some form before and so I know that I can do it again. But then in other moments I'm just ready to throw in the towel.

This weekend I kind of lost my motivation. I didn't really feel like doing anything. Kindly my oldest pointed out that even when I say "I'm not going to do anything" I actually still do about 5 things which counts as something.

But I was so grateful for my kids. They pitched in, they brought me breakfast in bed, they cleaned the kitchen, they gave me hugs and told me they loved me. It doesn't get better than that.

I loved this article explaining that the discomfort that we are feeling is grief.

Yes, sounds about right.

And is nice to know that we can be gracious and patient with ourselves and with each other.

And I was also grateful for the opportunity to fast and pray for relief from the effects of the pandemic on Sunday. It was clarifying for my spirit and nice to feel like there was something {small} that I could do.

I wrote our young women (my lovely young friends!) a letter and had my kids help tape it to every door and think that this is the prevailing comforting thought that I've had all week from the Words of Mormon verse 7:

"And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come."

I believe that with my whole heart.

The Lord knows. We do not know that is to come- we can't know- but God does. Our Father in Heaven has seen this, every detail and how it will play out and so our only job is to trust in Him.

Tonight the kids and I hiked near our home and as they sat looking out at the view and as I sat watching them I felt so much reassurance and a renewed sense of hope.

I can do this. We can do this. It will really be ok.

Just be still and know that He is God.