Self-care

Yesterday was another interesting day.

By the end of last night I was totally drained.

I think with the first day of online school, an earthquake, continuing dismal reports on the spread of the coronavirus and practicing social distancing I felt pretty worn down.

So far the heaviest days for me have been Thursday, March 12 and Wednesday, March 18. I'm sure you have had yours.

My sister made an interesting point- that while during Jake's cancer experience our life changed dramatically, the lives of our family members and neighbors and friends continued on a normal trajectory therefore lending them the ability to help and lift and encourage and strengthen us through our difficult time of need.

The difference now is that we are ALL feeling like our lives are going down the drain. Hopefully not forever, but for the foreseeable future and everyone we know and love is similarly affected. It makes it harder to get the help you need from other people- especially as we shouldn't even be in the same physical spaces as people outside of our immediate families. As a caveat I want to recognize that my personal circumstances are pretty fortunate- I don't work outside of our home, we will continue receive our social security survivors benefit and for now are all in good health with no immune deficiencies.  My heart goes out to so many who are grappling with difficult life situations already that have only been exacerbated by the coronavirus restrictions.

So what can we do?

I haven been feeling that for me, the most important thing I can do at this volatile time is practice good self-care habits. Not self-care in the indulgent way it is often portrayed. But self-care "as a discipline, requiring tough-mindedness and a deep and personal understanding of your priorities."

These are the things that help me the most and I hope that some of them can help you too:

1. Sleep

This amount of unpredictability, change and upheaval is absolutely draining. I am doing so much processing of all of this dramatic change and I feel it in every aspect of my life- in my body, my mind and my spirit. I am tired and am trying to allow myself plenty of time to sleep every night- whether by going to bed earlier or sleeping in or even taking a nap in the afternoon. Getting more sleep is one way to practice self-care.

2. Changing expectations

Along with adjusting my daily routines I have also had to quickly adjust my expectations about what I can feasibly accomplish and what I can leave undone. Previous to the corona virus I had several projects I was working on, a service assignment at church, studying for the GRE and the usual care of home and children. While I can continue to do much of this, I can't continue it in the same way. The last week I've hardly had energy to do anything other than continue to exist. And that is ok and is enough for this point in time. It is an achievement that we are trying to reorder or lives around this change and remembering to be extra gentle and patient with ourselves is another important self-care routine.

3. Scripture study

I need time every day to sit with my scriptures and spend time with the Lord. It is essential to my functioning and happiness and keeps me grounded. I had fallen off of a regular schedule through the winter, but in February I chose to make time each morning to read once the kids left for school. It was such a source of strength each day as I set a timer for 30 minutes and spent time in study.  Now, in this craziness I have decided to find a different block of time each day to keep scripture study a priority. I loved this chapter that I read yesterday and am grateful for the reminder of the nature and mercy of the God I love. We are reading together as a family also, but my individual relationship with God is another way I practice self-care that is sustaining.

4. Meditation

For the last two years I've been able to learn more about the practice of meditation. I have a friend who leads meditation and for a year I would meet with him weekly to practice meditation. It was an important tool in my healing but also provided many benefits to help me learn to settle my mind and find peace within. I have not been as good to continue the practice daily, but once this craziness started I definitely got back on the wagon. There are so many good meditation tools out there and these are some I have used- the insight timer, the I AM yoga nidra app, as well as my friend's meditation website. I recommend taking some time each day to try and breathe and still your mind as another way to practice self-care.

5. Connection

Even though we are not really getting together with other people right now, there are still so many ways that we can connect. This form of connection- through texting, phone calls, face time, Zoom our new BFF, Marc* Polo, Fac*book, Go*gle hangouts, etc. etc. etc.- is critical! We cannot do this alone and we most definitely need each other to get through it. In some ways it has been a blessing to be able to slow down and reconnect with the people that I love. I know it has been nice for our kids as well to see friends, teachers and family members virtually and to feel that they are not alone. So finding a way to virtually connect, converse and share with the people in our lives is another important form of self-care in this crazy time.

6. Being alone

Now that may seem counter-intuitive at a time when we are basically mandated to be at home but in my home I am not alone- I have four lovely, kind and wonderful children who are here with me. 24/7.  And sometimes we need to have time away from each other. I have been so proud of our kids this week. They have taken all of these changes in stride and are working together to make the best of it. But this much "togetherness" is more than any of us are used to in normal life.  So just as we need to connect with each other as a family and connect with family and friends on the outside- we also desperately need time alone. Yesterday I decided that I would institute an "alone hour" where the kids knew that I was off limits. I did not answer their questions, I did not rescue them when they called for a ride home, and I went into my room and locked the door. It helped a lot to just have 60 minutes of time to myself where I was not required to do anything for anyone else.  I think that will be a good self-care routine for as long as this goes on.

7. Exercise

One benefit of this self-quarantine is that we can still go outside and move. I may actually get in the best shape of my life. Yesterday I went on a 20 minute run, did an hour of online yoga and then went on a hike for another hour. It felt awesome and was a productive way to expend some of my nervous energy. There are a lot of physical things we can still do outdoors- go on bike rides, shoot baskets, hit tennis balls, run, hike, kick the soccer ball, etc.  not to mention the many types of indoor exercise available to us- body weight lifting exercises, yoga, jumping jacks, etc. I am especially grateful that it is the middle of March and here in the Northern Hemisphere we are heading into warmer weather and longer days so going outside will only become more accessible. Exercise is a helpful way to practice self-care and break up these long days.


Well those are my ideas for today. I am sure more things will become important in the weeks to come. And I'd love to hear any ideas you have or things you done to help you care for yourself and understand your priorities.

I am grateful that we only need take this one day at a time. It can feel too bleak to think further than that. So today, we got school work done, most have practiced the piano, I wrote up this blog post and we will watch a movie as a family tonight. That sounds like a pretty good day.