September

The Earth, Wind and Fire lyrics to September started running through my mind as I sat to type-

"Do you remember? The 21st night of September? Love was changing the minds of pretenders, while chasing the clouds away... Ba de ya, say do you remember? Ba de ya, dancing in September... Ba de ya, never was a cloudy day... "

That is how things are feeling around here. The clouds have been chased away and we are definitely dancing in September. It is one of my favorite months.

I just spent nearly 30 minutes sending pictures from the summer to this laptop where I sit and type, but much to my dismay and tech-un-savvy only four of them made it through. I was going to give a comprehensive review of our summer and all the fun we had to preserve it for memory's sake.

Alas, I just don't want to mess with it anymore so here you go.

One picture from summer:

Here I am with Ellie, Ada, Lauren and Tommy at Cedar Breaks in southern Utah. It was awesome.

Suffice it to say we had a great time off from school. We saw tons of friends. We saw every family member. We went to Bear Lake and Zions National Park and Bryce Canyon National Park and Boise, Idaho. We spent time at the pool, the reservoir, the lake, the mountains, girls camp, soccer camps, cross country camp, and had bunches of fun biking, hiking, cooking, eating, talking, staying up late and sleeping in.

All in all it was a great 10 weeks and we played hard for nearly all of them. Near the end of the summer as I started to tire of the constant commotion I had the realization that I was so fortunate- how many of the world's population just get to have fun and see the people they love for weeks on end with few other cares? We are pretty lucky to live in a place where there are so many things to do, to have people who travel to see us and spend time with us and to have the time, energy, help and  means to do some pretty great things.

So if I never get to the details of summer 2019 just know that it was pretty great all around.

Which leads to September and school starting.

Oh school, how I love you! I love the structure, routine and predictability that school provides. I LOVE IT. I mean I really really really LOVE it. Also, as I've said before I love the little break that school gives me from being a double parent 24/7. So I welcome it with open arms.

And this year sweet little Tommy guy started kindergarten so ALL OF OUR KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL!

Again, not to belabor the point but seriously this is big news around here and has really come just in the nick of time. The first day they were all gone I was walking around the house feeling all kinds of feelings- and ALL of them happy ones. I was screaming with excitement. I was overcome with gratitude. I was triumphant with victory. I was dancing with joy. I was so relieved that we made it.

I think this is not just a feeling I have as a widow- I think any stay at home mom who has her last child go to school must feel all of these things....right??? It is a strange end of an era and a beginning of the next chapter. I feel like I mourned it more at the end of last school year- in April and May as I thought about not having a little person around the house all day anymore. And because of that I've felt nothing but JOY and GRATITUDE that I made it. 13.5 years of having a little person constantly in my care all day every day through some pretty difficult years and I made it (there were definitely times where I DID NOT think I could do it).

But here we are! It happened despite all that was against us and somehow our kids are thriving and happy and engaged and dare I say normal. It is a testament to me of the goodness of God who, despite our own weaknesses and the odds stacked against us, is faithful and will see us through. I know it because He has seen me and our children through the great deep and here we are standing on the shores of the other side.

As Paul wrote to the Corinthians:

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

I understood this idea in theory but have now lived it in practice and feel such gratitude to my Father in Heaven who, with this trial, has also made a way for me and our children to bear it. I love Him and feel so grateful for His great mercy that has seen us through.

While I still don't know the full path forward I do feel renewed hope and can see light at the end of the tunnel and stand in awe at all that God has done for me and our children. He is, to the end, forever and eternally, faithful.