Grandma Mary

My Grandma Mary died on Saturday.

She was 92 years old and has been a constant for my entire life.

My first independent memory of my Grandma is when she came to visit us at our house in Orem. I remember that I was assigned to work with her to clean the bathroom and she took to time to show me how to properly clean the sink and wash down the soap dispenser that was usually caked with soap suds and streaks from its many uses. I remember feeling happy that she would spend that time with me and grateful to hear her tips and tricks.

The next memory I have is of a time when my sister and I went to Logan, where our Grandma lived, for a few nights on our own to stay with her. I don't remember where our parents or brothers were but do remember that we got to sleep on the hide-a-bed in her guest room, stay up late watching old rerun shows on Nickelodeon and that she gave us each $5 to walk to the McDonalds near her house and buy a happy meal. It was a grand adventure for me and Claire and I loved being there and having her attention.

Beyond those, most of my memories and interactions with my grandma were in group settings- as we visited her with our family, at Griffin reunions, as she came to our home for baptisms, graduations, and special events and even on one very long car ride to California. In memory I can see my Grandma there- watching everyone around her, directing the work and thinking of how to feed and care for her large extended family. Grandma Mary was not a sit on the ground and play with you sort of grandma and wasn't one given to great verbal expressions of love. But she did show love to us as her grandchildren in ways that we appreciated- she always let us use her TV room when we visited to watch as much Nickelodeon as we wanted. She always had food in her house and showed her love through cooking and providing lovely meals for our benefit. She always had our beds made up when we came to stay with her and took the time to prepare everyone a place to sleep. She wrote me many cards over the years for my birthday and I loved it when, especially in her older years, she would include a $20 for me to buy lunch on her.

I say that most of my memories with my Grandma are in group settings- and that is true up until I moved with Jake and our little Lauren to Phoenix in 2006. We had just finished grad school and Jake had accepted a job in Arizona so we packed up our little family and left both our parents and extended families behind in Utah. Those first few years were hard and lonely as we were hundreds of miles away from our parents and siblings. It sometimes felt like we were alone in the desert.

Alone, that is, except for my Grandma Mary.

She had been a snowbird in Mesa, Arizona with her second husband for many years and after he passed away she married a Scottsdale native and continued to spend the winters in AZ.

And at this stage in my life she became a great blessing to me. When Lauren turned one I remember that we invited my Grandma and her dear husband David (who actually performed our sealing in the Mt. Timpanogos temple) over to have cake and celebrate with us. We always went to her home during the Christmas holiday where she treated us to a lovely dinner and evening playing games. She invited me to bring the girls to her home often and I definitely took her up on it- driving out to her trailer 45 minutes away, spending the afternoon, eating a meal, and then packing up our babies for the drive home. And several times she came out to our home to take me and the girls to lunch and to spend the afternoon with us playing Skip-Bo.

My sister and I visiting Grandma Mary in her trailer with our newest babies

It was such a boon for me to have somewhere to go where I would be taken care of and where someone who loved me would be waiting. She invited us to many a Sunday dinner and never let us bring anything for the meal but took it upon herself to serve us and show her love through her care.

I was grateful to get to know my grandma more during this time and to have so much alone time and interaction with her. Maybe even more than when I was a child. I loved hearing her stories, playing games together, walking around the neighborhood and seeing her care for her husband. I will always remember the love I saw her express as she stood by David's casket at his funeral, touching his hand and kissing his forehead. It was so genuine.  She was not affronted by his dead body but rather continued to show love and care for the tabernacle that housed his spirit to the end. It was an example that I remembered as I stood next to the casket of my own husband and could likewise feel such gratitude for the tabernacle that housed his spirit thanks to her.

My two grandmothers came to AZ for Lauren's baptism and to show their support after Jake's diagnosis.                    Grandma Pat is on the left and Grandma Mary is on the right.

My Grandpa Earl passed away just before I turned 3 years old, almost 35 years ago. He was the love of my Grandma Mary's life and after he died the fire seemed to go out of her. She married two more times, losing each of those spouses to death but always felt a strong connection to my grandpa.  In her final days when she had terrible dementia and was so reduced she could still remember and say "I'm married to Earl Griffin."

Though I am sad and mourn the passing of my grandma my heart also rejoices in her reunion with my grandpa that has been so long awaited. I know what it feels like to wait to be with the one person you love the most and rejoice that her waiting period is over.  She is now with my grandpa never to be separated again. I commend her for making the best of the long wait and understand more fully what their separation cost her.

One time many years ago my grandma and I had the opportunity to go to the temple together. I don't remember where our spouses were or who watched my kids but I do remember being grateful to have the opportunity to serve in the temple with her.  As we attended an endowment session in the Mesa Temple I had a special spiritual experience. We had been standing up and as we were standing I looked over at my grandma next to me. And out of the blue I started to feel the most intense love for her that I have ever felt. I had the direct impression that what I was feeling was the love my Grandpa Earl felt for my Grandma Mary. Although I don't have any memories of him as a child it was as clear as day that he loved her and in that moment I was given to feel a small portion of that love. I don't know if I ever told her about that experience- it was so sacred and personal to me and I didn't know if I could even describe it adequately with words. But it was a witness to me that love does not end with death, that those we loved in life continue on after this world and that the bonds we create with those we love are eternal.

And thinking of my sweet grandma now encircled in the love of my grandpa forever fills me with joy.