February 6, 2014

Sunday the 2nd was wonderful.

We felt the spirit so strongly and were uplifted by the fasting and prayers of so many people.

Then Monday and Tuesday the bad guy came.

That is the best way to describe it.

Personally, I started to feel the sick/worried/dread/sad/fearful feelings of the initial shock of it all and was starting to descend into the not so awesome zone.

Lest anyone think that we are handling this well just know:

This is hard.

It totally sucks.

Honestly, we hate it.

However, Wednesday the sun came out, Jake had lunch with some of his wonderful work friends, we received a meal that night and freezer meals for hard days in the future, our neighbors brought us oranges from their tree, our kids started to get better from their colds (each one has been sick and home from school for a week), and we were able to attend the temple today.

I can't describe it any better than to say that the pendulum started to swing the other way and we somehow felt better.

Jake's brother Matt has been with us all week, after interviewing for the MBA program at ASU, and has been such a wonderful help, support, and strength to us. He's been willing to do anything we need whenever we need it and has answered our prayers in many ways.

His sweet wife Jessica has been so supportive of him being here and we appreciate her sacrifice for us.

Somehow we keep busy with things. Jake helps a lot with the kids, finalized our estate plan, visited the dentist, has orchestrated needed home repairs, and has had good conversations with many family members and friends.

We both have a nap almost every day.

Jake isn't working or driving, but he is keeping up with BYU basketball and the recruiting season. 

We've been able to go to school to eat with the girls and spend time with them as they've been recuperating from a cold/flu/earaches at home. We are planning Lauren's birthday party and getting ready to celebrate her turning 8.

I feel two ways about this waiting period. It is nice not to know what we are facing, because once we know what this growth is and how strong it is there is no going back.

But it is also hard not to know what our enemy is because we can't develop a battle plan for it. Matt described it like swinging our sword in the air. It is hard to gear up for the fight when you don't even know what you are fighting. 

I know that we are surviving on prayers. There is no other explanation for it.

We want to find out what this is. We hope for the best possible prognosis. We desire this to be something that can be fixed and healed.  We desire courage to hear what the doctors have to say. We pray for insight in understanding the brain and in making decisions. We need our children to be comforted and at peace as we process everything and we need knowledge and strength in communicating with them.

At the end of the day I remain hopeful and do feel more moments of peace than of fear. Jacob is so strong, so wise, and has such good perspective about this and inspires me daily in how he is facing this trial. He is strong and he is a fighter and above all he has a solid faith at his foundation.