Widowing

This weekend I attended the LDS Widows and Widowers Conference.

My dear widowed friend Sarah, who I'd only talked to on the phone flew into town to attend with me and I was so grateful to go with her.

I have to say that the conference was actually very helpful. It was not easy to attend, nor was I thrilled to be a part of this group, but there was something very strengthening in being with people who know this pain and are trying to walk this difficult road.

Several people I've told asked if it was some sort of widowed meat market, but as the women outnumbered the men 10 to one, and the young women outnumbered the young men 50 to 1 I can safely say no. I'm sure you can find what you are looking for, but the organizers specifically work to make the conference a helpful and instructive experience to aid you as you process the loss of your spouse.

I wrote down a lot of notes and appreciated the different presenters, topics and ideas that were shared. There are actually archives of the past conference HERE, so if you weren't able to attend or would like to listen again you have that resource.

I also think that although the conference was specifically designed for widows and widowers, many of the talks shared would be helpful to listen to if you are a family member or close friend, if you have married a widow/er, or if you have lost a child or a father or mother to death. Many aspects of loss are universal and we could all benefit by learning more about the process of grieving.

Elder Bruce C. Hafen spoke at this conference and made the interesting observation that while he was sitting by his spouse on the stand it occurred to him that either one of the other of them would become part of this group some day.  Being separated by death from our spouse is something NONE of us want, but it is a reality that ALL of us will experience.

The most helpful part of the conference for me was meeting, talking to and being with other young widows. We were such a small segment of the group and yet I found great strength in knowing that I am really not alone, that others know this pain, and in learning from their experiences. Meeting and being with these girls was such a gift for me.

It was also interesting to observe that widowhood crosses all segments of life- it is very cross-sectional. There were people of all different backgrounds, ages, employments, locations, experiences, you name it attending the conference and no two experiences were the same.

There is no recipe for what makes you a widow/widower, what keeps you from it, or why it happens. Seeing all of the different people there and knowing that we all have lost a spouse affirms my belief that DEATH JUST HAPPENS. Yes, God knows the timetable of our lives, but he is not orchestrating our destruction. Rather He lets us be subject to the laws of our fallen world. Accidents happen, bodies break, disease infiltrates, breath ceases and people die. It is mistaken to think that some are more equipped, stronger, more capable, or better able to handle the death of their spouse. Or that faith was lacking, miracles were short or some individuals were more needed in heaven than others.

As I looked into the faces of the people in the room I felt great comfort in knowing that the death of our spouse happened to all of us, and in whatever state of mind, heart, economics, age, life experience, relationship, finances, or spirituality we were in Heavenly Father was there to meet us in our brokenness and offer us HIS relief- the relief that comes in and through His Son, Jesus Christ.

Talk after talk seemed to reiterate this view that I am coming to gain for myself. None of us can make it. It is more that any of us can handle. We are not enough and cannot do it on our own. But with the Savior we can move forward and I left with great hope from the words and experiences shared that somehow, sometime, someway my life will have great meaning and purpose and joy again.

ARCHIVE WW CONFERENCE LINK