Jordan's brother Andy's talk at Jake's memorial service

Hello everyone. I am Jord’s youngest brother Andy. I want to start today by saying how humbled I am to have the opportunity to speak about Jacob, or Jake as he is known by the Romney family and many of you. He is a man who I love, revere, and respect. I feel unfit for the task of speaking about Jake because no matter what I say my words will not be enough to truly express my respect and admiration for this great man. Today I speak on behalf of the Romney family specifically but also on behalf of everyone here because we all love Jake. He meant so much to each one of us.

Before I praise Jake any further I think it is pertinent to read a paragraph from a letter I wrote to him about two months ago. Talking to him I said, “When people have asked about you or when I have told people about your struggle these last two years I usually preface what I have to say about you by first stating this: Jake was a good guy before any of this happened. I think often times when someone becomes sick, injured, or maimed we pity them and put them on a pedestal.” Then I continued, “I believe in being sensitive to those who are suffering but I also want to be candid in saying that there are times we make someone out to be more than they are, or were, because something unfortunate has happened to them and we feel bad for them. This is not true in regards to you and anything I have to say about you in a positive regard are compliments you were worthy of before you got sick”.

While Jake is technically my brother in law, soon after we met he made me feel as if I were truly his youngest brother and that he was my oldest brother. He spent time with me one on one on multiple occasions. He made me feel cared for and loved. It was through the culmination of these small experiences that I grew extremely close to Jake. I would like to take the time now to recount some of the experiences we had together. I imagine if Jake were still with us he would spend time with his future teenage children in a manner similar to the way he spent time with me as a teenager.

• I remember when Jake consented to buy a snowboard and how happy I was that he was going to get a “ride” of his own. I remember he fell a lot while Jord and I taught him how to snowboard, but true to his innate easygoing attitude about life, he didn’t show frustration and just kept getting up.
• I remember many nights playing FIFA on PlayStation 2 against each other always ending the previous game with the phrase, “Ok, just one more.” I loved when one more would turn into ten more
• I remember playing basketball many times, whether on the village court, various churches, or the blazing hot park near his house in Phoenix. Every time we got together as family we would play with my Dad, Dave, and Richie. I loved playing on Jake’s team and looking his way at the end of another victory to see a subtle straight lipped smile on his face as he raised his eyebrows up and down.
• I have countless memories of watching Cougar games with Jake, be it basketball or football. I will remember watching football games with him at Lavell Edwards Stadium, Rice Eccles Stadium, Romney Stadium, at Notre Dame, at Arizona, at Boise State, at UCLA, and at Mississippi. I will remember the time he was complemented by an Ole Miss frat boy while we walked around the grove in Mississippi for being the only BYU fan that the kid had seen not wearing cargo shorts. I, like my dad Rick, am glad to know that Jake is now in a place where everyone is a Cougar fan.
• I’ll always remember the awesome family trips we have been on to various locations. I will remember all of the times I was able to visit Jake and his family in Phoenix. I will remember reluctantly joining the family on multiple occasions as we took the “polar bear plunge” into Jord and Jake’s unheated pool during the winter months. I will remember all the times I wiped tears from my eyes because I was laughing so hard as we played the game of things together as a family.
• I will remember how Jake instilled a love for Real Madrid in my heart during our FIFA playing days. I will remember the time we were able to go watch Real Madrid play Real Salt Lake in a friendly at Rice-Eccles Stadium.
• I will remember going to Suns games in Phoenix with Jake, back in the glory days of the run and gun offense with Steve Nash.
• I will remember going to Diamond Backs games with Jake, and specifically the game we stayed into extra innings together to watch Paul Goldschmidt hit a walk off home run while Jord and Chelsea went to get the car.
• I will remember times Jake took me to the driving range or putting green and having little competitions to see who could get their ball closer to the pin. I remember that sometimes those outings went longer than Jord liked but that I appreciated that Jake was willing to spend so much one on one time with me (although I am sure he wasn’t sad to bust out his driver or putter for some practice). Often times our excursions would end at the QT or some other gas station to get a treat that we would wash down with an ice cold Dr. Pepper.
• I will remember the time Jake lost the keys to the trailer at my wedding reception causing us to have to store tables and chairs at a remote location for the night. I will remember that later the next day he would find the lost keys, in the back left pocket of his pants.
• I will remember that out of the blue one day Jake wrote my wife Chelsea a letter in which he told her he was proud of her for working hard and going after her dreams. I really appreciated that he wrote her that heartfelt note. I think you can show someone you love him or her by loving those that they love. Jake’s letter to Chelsea did that for me.
• And most importantly I will remember the time I was sealed to my wife in the Los Angeles Temple. That will always be an extra sacred memory for me because my parents and all my siblings and their spouses were in the temple together that day.

With permission from my sister Jord I would like to share a few experiences with you all that she shared with us during a family meeting about 6 weeks ago while we were all together with Jake for the last time.

During the last months of his life Jake had trouble producing language so at our family meeting Jord spoke on his behalf. She told us that from day one of Jake’s diagnosis, he never complained, he was never upset, he never pitied himself, and he never blamed God.

I have marveled at this fact. We live in an ever-changing world filled with people who think that external forces rule their lives. They think that if things don’t go their way it is permissible for them gripe and complain and become bitter. They think that their circumstance causes them to act a certain way and they attempt to assign the accountability of their actions to a third party. Through his example Jake taught me this simple yet profound truth. He taught me that when life's hardest challenges come your way you still have a choice. A choice that is very polarizing. You can curse God or you can love Him. In cursing Him you have nothing but pain, emptiness, darkness, and unsurety. In loving him you will still have pain for a time but it will be soothed through peace and understanding only He can provide. In loving Him you can also obtain a sure knowledge that through his Son you can overcome life’s greatest challenges.

While imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp and after losing his wife there, Viktor E. Frankl later wrote a book entitled Man’s Search for Meaning. In that book he stated, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.” During his darkest days Frankl concluded that no matter the external circumstance, internally he still had the ability to choose.

Along this same line in The Book of Mormon in 2 Nephi 2:27-28 we read, “27 Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.

28 And now, my sons, I would that ye should look to the great Mediator, and hearken unto his great commandments; and be faithful unto his words, and choose eternal life, according to the will of his Holy Spirit.

Jake was a soft spoken and humble man. He was a man of little pretense. He was a man who didn’t muddle in empty words or statements. He lived life with intentional faithful actions. He truly was a “doer of the word” as stated in (James 1:22) and a believer that he was free to “act for himself and not be acted upon” as we read in (2 Nephi 2:26). He understood that despite his diagnosis he still had a choice.

Two months ago on the night the doctor walked into Jake’s hospital room to tell him that his tumor had multiplied and had entered his brain stem, rendering it inoperable, he was able to look my sister in the eyes and tell her that he lived life without any major regrets. He was able to tell her that he was proud of the life he lived. It is Jake’s choices that allowed him to state this with confidence. Choices he made long before his diagnosis. Choices to love God, to follow Him and His Son, and to rely on Christ’s Atonement. Choices to repent and choices to change in order to become a better person. Choices to serve others, a choice to go on a mission, a choice to be worthy of the temple and its blessings, a choice to take my sister there with him to be sealed for eternity. A choice to love his wife and kids and provide for them in every way possible. And ultimately a choice to continue to love God despite being diagnosed with brain cancer.

While cancer is what took Jake, death from cancer is not his final outcome. His final outcome is to be reunited with my sweet sister and their four beautiful children forever because that is what he chose. So when we struggle, when we encounter unfortunate circumstances, and especially in our darkest hours when we feel the weight of our own mortality on our shoulders, may we remember that like Jake, we have a choice. What a legacy his choices allowed him to leave with his wife Jordan, his children Lauren, Ellie, Ada, and Thomas, his family, and his friends.

At this same family meeting my sister Jord spoke to us about how she was caring for Jake as his body continued to fail him. She spoke of how even the simplest tasks were extremely difficult for him. She said that she wanted to be by his side and help him every minute of every day as long as she could. She said how ministering to Jake in his extreme time of need strengthened her bond with him and deepened their love for one another in a way that they had never experienced. My sister was by Jake’s side until his final breath, serving him, comforting him, and letting him know how much she loves him. I feel impressed that if Jake were here himself he would want you all to know how thankful he is to Jord for the service she rendered to him and how intensely he loves her.

In closing I would like to read a portion of my sister’s talk that she gave at Jake’s funeral services in Phoenix on Saturday. I think this ties into the lessons I learned from Jake and illustrates even further how he deliberately made choices to better himself, better those around him, and strengthen his relationship with God. In referencing the wheel divided into four parts that is pictured on your program today my sister said this, “Luke chapter 2 verse 52 is the only verse of scripture that speaks about the Savior’s life from the time that he was 12 years old until he started his mortal ministry at 30. To describe the intervening 18 years there is only one verse and it reads, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.”

Jesus Increased.  In Wisdom. In Stature.  In Favor with God.  In Favor with man.

While on Jake’s mission to Madrid, Spain, Harriet Uchtdorf, wife of apostle Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke about this scripture as a guide for living life. Her talk profoundly influenced Jake.

From this scripture he developed what he always called the “balancing wheel”- a tool for developing himself in four important aspects of life. The first is wisdom or intellectual, educational and career pursuits. The second is stature or physical fitness, nutrition, and caring for his body. The third is favor with man or developing and fostering relationships with family, friends, and those around him.  The fourth is favor with God or spiritual development, obedience to the commandments and nurturing his faith. Jake called these categories intellectual, physical, social and spiritual.”

She then concluded her talk by saying that she always told Jake that if she had known all along that this would be their future, she still would have married him. She said that nothing has brought her more joy than being his wife and having Lauren, Ellie, Ada and Tommy with him. And she said that there is nothing she wants more than to be his companion forever, bound through the sealing covenants they made in the temple. She said she is profoundly grateful for her husband who taught her how to live like Jesus and how she hopes to spend all of her days increasing until she becomes like both of them.

I want to echo the words of my sister and say that I too am profoundly grateful for Jake and the choices he made to follow God and the example of His son Jesus Christ, despite this most difficult hardship. His choices have greatly influenced my life. I share this with you all in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.