My talk from Jake's funeral

Love.

I have felt so much love throughout the last 5 days. Our kids have felt so much love. Our parents have felt to much love. Our siblings and their families have felt so much love.

Funerals are a bitter sweet time. Bitter as you face the reality of your loved ones death, but sweet as you are surrounded, embraced and upheld from the love of so many people.

Thank you for your love. Thank you for your love.

I wanted to share the talk I gave at Jake's funeral in Phoenix. I knew that I could only give it once, and even that was nothing short of a miracle. I was honored to speak about him and grateful for the Lord who sustained me through it.

Here is what I said:

What a sight. I am humbled to see so many people who love, admire and remember Jake. Thank you for being here.

I want to begin by expressing our sincere thanks to each one of you. You, as family and friends have walked a hard road with us these last two years, but have never shied away or forsaken us. We have felt God’s love through you a thousand times over.

I can’t tell you how many times Jake prayed for you. In every prayer he offered he asked Heavenly Father to bless all those who are praying for him, with their needs and in their extremity. I hope you have felt of our Father’s and our Savior’s love. There is no way for us to repay what you have done, but one thought did occur to us last month. On tables at the doors before you leave there are copies of The Book ofMormon: Another testament of Jesus Christ. Inside we’ve placed a picture of our family along with this scripture from second Nephi, “But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.” We would love for each individual or family present to take a copy home with you.

I am grateful to stand here today to speak to you about Jake. As the one who knows him best, we both felt that if I could manage it I should speak and so I pray for the sustaining power of the Holy Ghost.

Luke chapter 2 verse 52 is the only verse of scripture that speaks about the Savior’s life from the time that he was 12 years old until he started his mortal ministry at 30. To describe the intervening 18 years there is only one verse and it reads, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.”

Jesus Increased.  In Wisdom. In Stature.  In Favor with God.  In Favor with man.

While on Jake’s mission to Madrid, Spain, Harriet Uchtdorf, wife of apostle Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke about this scripture as a guide for living life. Her talk profoundly influenced Jake.

From this scripture he developed what he always called the “balancing wheel”- a tool for developing himself in four important aspects of life. The first is wisdom or intellectual, educational and career pursuits. The second is stature or physical fitness, nutrition, and caring for his body. The third is favor with man or developing and fostering relationships with and serving family, friends, and those around him.  The fourth is favor with God or spiritual development, obedience to the commandments and nurturing his faith. Jake called these categories intellectual, physical, social and spiritual.

He used the balancing wheel to set goals from his mission on and taught it to me from the earliest days of our marriage. About monthly, sometimes more, sometimes less Jake and I would sit down and do the balancing wheel. He would get out a blank piece of paper, trace a mixing bowl so he could draw a perfect circle, and then divide the circle into four sections. He would write one of these categories in each quarter segment along with two or three bullet points for each of us. You can see one of his individual handwritten graphs on the inside of your program.

We would then spend some time talking about how we felt we were doing in each category. These were some of my favorite discussions with him. We would assess ourselves intellectually, physically, socially and spiritually and make a few goals for improvement. Sometimes it required shifting focus from one category to another. Sometimes it required a conscious investment of time in a specific goal. But mostly it was just a way for us to gauge if we were progressing and to get back on track. I can say that Jake never rubbed my face in my shortcomings or gave me suggestions for improvement. He was ever supporting me, encouraging me and giving me the benefit of the doubt. He is so kind.

Then Jake would usually tape the paper to our bathroom mirror or keep it on his nightstand so that we could remember our goals. These were simple things that we could accomplish that month. As you can see in the graphic from 2010, Jake set physical goals to go to sleep by 10:30 pm, exercise a half hour a day, and maybe try his Dad’s low carb diet. He set social goals to take me out on a date and to do something with our friends the Gardiners. He set intellectual goals to record his time every day at work, not look at the internet at work, and read a book at night. And he set spiritual goals to do something each day for his calling (a church service opportunity) in the Elders Quorum and “dive” into the scriptures for 30 minutes daily.

Most of you probably never knew that Jake used the balancing wheel to guide his life in this way, but you probably saw the fruits of his consistent efforts at self-improvement and growth. I know that I did. In fact, it was often in times when things felt off and life was stressful that Jake would pull out a blank sheet of paper and suggest that we revisit the balancing wheel. He used this exercise to center himself, to find his focus, to live a Christ-like life.

I know that many of you were here ten months ago when Jake and I stood at this pulpit to give a fireside about the lessons we’d learned since his diagnosis. If you remember, Jake said and I quote,

“I’d like to share some things that I’ve learned in four areas that have become critically important to me. They are (1) caring for your physical body, (2) preparing financially, (3) maintaining a support network, and (4) finding strength in God. I hope that these lessons will help everyone here, no matter what stage of life you are in to think about your priorities.” End quote.

These four areas were not new to Jake. They are the balancing wheel- increasing in wisdom, stature, and in favor with God and man that he had put into practice years before. But their importance was intensely magnified when he knew that he only had a short time to live.

The message of Jake’s life was not defined by his cancer, but it was refined, honed, and focused by his disease. He knew what was most important in life. Jake learned that the scripture in Luke is not just talking about the Savior. It is talking about us. How are we using our time, our daily breath, to become like Him? Are we increasing?

I witness that Jesus is our perfect example. He did not come to earth knowing everything. He had to learn. He had to experience. He had to grow. He had to increase. So did Jake. And so do we.

I testify of the reality of the risen Christ. I know that He lives. I know it. I know that Jake continues to exist. I feel his calming presence and strength. His thoughts have flooded my mind this week.  I witness that, as Amulek taught in the Book of Mormon, one day Jake’s “mortal body [will be] raised to an immortal body, that is from death…unto life, that [he] can die no more; [his] spirit uniting with [his] body, never to be divided; thus the whole becoming spiritual and immortal, that [he] can no more see corruption.”

I always told Jake that if I had known all along that this was our future, I still would have married him. Nothing has brought me more joy than being his wife and having Lauren, Ellie, Ada and Tommy together. And there is nothing I want more than to be his companion forever, bound through the sealing covenants we made in the temple. I am profoundly grateful for my husband who taught me how to live like Jesus. And I hope to spend all of my days increasing until I become like them.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.