August 24, 2014

So a lot can change in a few weeks.

We left Utah after a 10 day glorious vacation (to be written up later) where we saw so many friends and extended family members and spent time with all but 3 of our siblings and their families.

We drove home on a Tuesday, after Jacob spent the whole morning throwing up from his chemo pills that night.

Wednesday Jake went back to work and I started unpacking, washing, and ran to the grocery store.

Thursday, August 7, we had his 2 month checkup MRI.

We were nervous going into it, but really felt like it would be fine.

Turns out it was not fine, and there was a new growth in his brain. We spent the whole morning consulting with different doctors and scheduling another surgery.

We went home and first told our kids. It was a sad time and we all cried together, but it was also so important that we talk to our kids first and be there to hold them in our arms.

We then talked to our parents and asked them to spread the word to our siblings and other family members.

We called the bishop of our ward and got some meals scheduled for the next week.

Friday and Saturday we hung around home, went swimming with our kids, and did our best to soak in the last weekend of summer.

Sunday we went to church and my mom flew down in the afternoon to spend the week with us.  Matt (Jacob’s brother) picked her up and brought her to our house.

Sunday night Jacob was able to give our girls their back to school blessings and me a blessing of comfort. Matt gave Jacob a blessing that brought him a lot of peace before going into surgery again.

Monday morning we woke up and headed into the hospital. Jacob was second on the surgery schedule so we started watching a movie while we waited. I told him that would be my test to see how he was after the operation- to see if he could remember the first half of the movie or if we would have to start the whole thing over again.

The surgery was quick- just under 3 hours- and the doctor said that the tumor was very small and easy to remove. They were also able to take out a margin around the growth and he felt that the procedure couldn’t have been better.

When I walked into the recovery room Jacob was there, smiling and joking just as he’d left from pre-op.

And you guessed it- he remembered the first half of the movie.

Seeing him in this state made me realize how bad off he was after the first surgery. I was so grateful that he woke up and felt so well this time.

He had some vomiting through the afternoon and had a headache, but his recovery has been very different, much better, than after his first surgery and we are so grateful for that.

24 hours later we headed home to meet our girls on their way back from the first day of school and the rest of the week Jacob took it easy and tried to rest and recover.

My mom was an angel to help us in every way through the week. It is already a busy and stressful time at the start school, but add in a brain surgery and the whole wheel falls off. Thankfully my mom was there to keep things together and help me bring order to the chaos of our life. She had planned to spend the week in San Diego at a conference with my Dad, but I’m so grateful that she would change plans to come and be with us. I needed her this time around.

We are also so grateful for our sister in law Jessica, who stayed with our kids for the follow-up MRI day and during the operation. She was an angel and helped in every way to care for and comfort our children.

Brain surgery is not easy. I don’t want to convey that. Jacob has had some real pain and the emotional and psychological torment of this disease weigh heavily on him. Sometimes the burden is almost unbearable.

Last week Jake and I took a trip to LA for two days and had my brother Andy and sister in law Chelsea stay with our kids. They completed a list of tasks, lovingly kept our 4 children happy and were so good to come and lend us a hand.

Again, we marvel at all of the people who are willing to help us through this difficult time. Truly, we have felt the goodness inherent in our ward family, neighbors, school friends, work associates, and many others and appreciate their willingness to come to our aid time and time again.

The end of this week was very hard for us. I think both Jake and I have finally reached the end of our frazzled ropes. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually we are taxed and feel overwhelmed by the reality of our life.

And I can attest that the bad guy works overtime on us when he knows we are at a low point to drag us down into that awful gulf of misery and woe.

At the same time, we have had some very personal and sublime spiritual experiences and know that the Savior continues to carry us through this trial.

I hope we are learning and growing. I told Jake today that I feel like I've aged 10 years in the last 7 months. I guess if I sprout more greys and wrinkles you'll know why.

Jacob's parents are headed here for the coming week. He has radiation on Tuesday followed by another round of chemo the next week. 

I have to remember that this is a marathon. I've run one so I should know how it goes. There are parts of the course that challenge you to the max, there are others where you know you are given strength beyond your own, there are others where you want to stop and puke your guts out, and there are times when you look around and consider the marvel of what your body is able to do and thank God for the opportunity you have to run the race.