Counseling

Last week I met with a psychologist who does counseling out of her home.

The counseling session was so very helpful and I am grateful for this added resource to help me cope with Jake's cancer.

She has been counseling people since 1982, and is a member of our church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints.  Because we are talking about existential things, it was important for me to speak to someone who shares my beliefs.

Let me say, clearly, that Jake is doing VERY WELL right now.

However, one of the things that is overwhelming me are thoughts and fears about the future- when he may not be doing so well and ultimately when he may not be with us anymore.

One thing the counselor recommended is that Jake and I sit down with a pen and paper in hand and make a plan for our family life if he is gone. She suggested that we write down things such as practices that I will continue with our family (church attendance, prayer, scripture study, Family Home Evening), and traditions and milestones that we want to celebrate for our children. She also suggested that we write out a financial plan, such as how we want to allocate life insurance and social security benefits to best take care of our family.  This exercise will help Jake to see that no matter what happens with his health, his family will be provided for because of his hard work and wise decisions he made.

We are still in the process, but after a week of talking about and writing down these things out I feel so much better. I find that I am actually able to feel more hopeful about Jake's prognosis as we make these plans together, rather than thinking about facing all of these decisions on my own. It seems counterintuitive, but Jake explained that it makes sense because planning and talking about these things takes away one of the main things that is driving our fear -- the unknown.  A lot about our future is uncertain, but there are certain contingencies that we can plan for right now.  By acting now and eliminating as much fear as possible, we have more room to hope.

We will finish this process in the next few weeks, and can then put our notebook in a drawer and get on living our life. We both know that it is there and can go back and make adjustments any time.  But having the bulk of the work done and the decisions made together frees us to live in the present and be grateful for every day that we have together.

In addition to making this plan, the counselor gave me some helpful suggestions for being more present. I've never been good at living in the moment. I've used her strategies many times over the past week and have been in a better place with my thoughts and been able to enjoy little moments of each day so much more.

I have always been a believer in counseling. . .  for other people. But it was very hard to pick up the phone and make that call for myself.  I am so glad that I did.