July 1, 2014

I can't believe its been a month since my last post.

Time flies.

We have been doing really well. We felt a great sense of relief after Jake's good scan, and have been riding that wave for the last few weeks.

Yes, there are still moments and days where that black cloud overshadows us, but for the most part we are doing as well as can be expected.

Jake's first round of chemo (5 days of pills at the beginning June) was rough the weekend and week after he took the medication, but then in the past two weeks he has been feeling good. Really good. In fact, he told me that its the best he's felt since before his first hospital stay.

I've noticed the change in him. He really seems back to his old self. His energy is good, he has his normal appetite, he jokes like usual, he is helpful around the house and with the kids, and he is reenergized at work and with his cases. Really, if I couldn't feel the craniotomy scar on his head I wouldn't know that anything had changed.

We know that this isn't always the case with brain cancer, and recognize that Jake feeling normal is a huge blessing that has come from a loving Father in Heaven who hears and answers prayers.

We got back on Sunday night from a wonderful 9 day family vacation to Hawaii.  I will write more about it in the next few days (travel log alert), but it was such a rejuvenating time for all of us and completely renewed our spirits.

As we were talking last night, both Jacob and I felt like the best thing about our trip was that it got us away from thinking about brain cancer all of the time. Sure, we thought about it here and there, but mostly it was gone from our hearts and minds and we were able to just enjoy the beautiful island and time together as a family.

I think family vacations have a curative effect.

I continue to go to counseling and it continues to be very helpful for me. I've experienced lot of emotional and psychological trauma with Jacob's disease and I am grateful for the strategies, suggestions, and therapy that have helped me be able to better enjoy the good days that we are having as a family.

Our girls are doing really well. Some days they even forget to pray for Jake, and for that we are grateful because it is a cue to us that his cancer isn't weighing so heavily on them. Especially as their dad has been acting and feeling so normal they have all seemed to relax and return to the innocent pursuits of childhood. They love to read, swim, play together, watch movies, hold Thomas and be with their friends.

I have to comment on how well the girls have pitched in to help around the house. They are only 4, 6 and 8, but they can tidy any room in the house in a matter of minutes if they're asked. They each have a chore that they're responsible for each week (unload dishes, family room, clear table) and they are very dutiful to stay on top of their assignment. They all put away their laundry and help take care of Thomas when I need them to. I really have appreciated their help, especially when Jake wasn't feeling great, and am so grateful that they are such willing and helpful little ladies.

All in all, we seem to be in a period of calm this summer after the tumultuous beginning to our year.

I'll end with a quote that I read recently in the book, Remarkable Recovery, by Caryle Hirshberg. In it, the author quotes a man who was imprisoned by the Japanese during WWII for seven years and nine days who said,

   "I think we're far more able to survive if we develop the ability to live with ambiguity and        uncertainty, to be creative in the present, to know we can't control the future."

I appreciate that thought that I can develop those abilities, even if they don't come naturally to me, and that by letting go of the need to control and know the future, I can truly enjoy the ride of today.